My partner and i have been together for five years, his libido has always been lower then mine, at the start of our relationship we would sleep together once a week (and he was 23 then and supposedly in his prime) now i am lucky if it is once a month and that is only if i initiate it. Actually i have always had to initiated it, this has been a problem in our relationship right from the start but he is amazing at talking to me openly and honestly (now he is anyways) we have had so many talks and arguments about this and he cant tell me what's happened. Usually I make an explicit move which indicates what i want to do and he either goes with it or more often then not he gives me (what sound to me like) excuses such as, 'my backs sore i need to get out of bed and stretch', or just 'im getting up now'. Over the last three years i have put on a fair bit of weight but in the last 6months i have lost 10kg and am actually smaller now then i was when we first got together, when i look in the mirror most days i feel good, i think i am reasonably attractive and i know without a doubt that he prefers me smaller rather then the big size i have been previously.
During our talks i have explained many many times how it makes me feel when i gather up the courage i now need to come on to him (five years of rejection means i need a lot of courage) and he still turns me down. Just for your benefit it makes me feel, ugly, humiliated, angry, disgusting. the list goes on. all he can tell me is that he doesn't know why, he actually cant tell me anything. the last time we had an argument over this he broke down in tears and wanted to hold me and told me how much he loves me and all that good stuff but when i asked me to describe the things he loves most about me specific to having sex with me he couldnt come up with anything, he did try but it wasnt about sex, he said stuff like 'i love you because your kind and sweet' etc.
I dont think he is cheating on me (this has definitely crossed my mind and i have asked him too but he is really not that kind of person) and i am not going to leave him, we have way too much good stuff together to do that. I really do love him, the thought of not having him in my life hurts me more then what he is doing to me (or not doing).
We sort of fixed it a bit over the last two years, still me initiating it but i was getting more yeses then noes and i thought we had worked out a system that worked for us as every couple is different but this year it has gone down hill again. I am so so confused, he says he loves me but why wouldnt you want to show your love in a physical way? he has even said that it is his fault and that there is something wrong with him and its not me at all. I have suggested that he sees a councillor the if he cant figure it out but he has said this is not an option. I done feel like i can talk to anyone about this as i dont want people who know both of us to think there is such a major and abnormal problem with our relationship. this is the first time i have 'voiced' any of this
Over the five years we have been together i have tried everything, i mean everything to either sort it out or get to the cause of the problem. someone please give me either advice that is going to help or let me know that i am not alone, that maybe someone else has a similar problem.
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.