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Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me?!

By February 9, 2011 - 10:53pm
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Okay so my bf and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have lived together for 3 1/2 years. We are both extremely happy in our relationship, trust each other, laugh together all the time and support each other. We talk about kids and marriage and he even recently took me to look at rings.

The problem is that he rarely wants to have sex or initiates sex. In the beginning like in most relationships, we had sex a lot. He's not overly affectionate but tells me that he loves me multiple times a day. He works long hours and is often tired, so I do take that into account. In the past year hr has rarely initiated sex and has flat out turned me down quite a few times. I almost always initiate it but if I'm lucky I get it once a week, it's more often once every two weeks.

It's extremely frustrating and is messing with my self esteem. We are both 29 almost 30. I have gained some weight since the beginning of the relationship, but am dedicated to working out and eating right after I left a job that didn't allow that. I am very attractive and still get hit on all the time. He is also attractive and had lost weight and then gained some back. I'm always telling him that I think he is hood looking, sexy, hot etc

So why doesn't he want to have sex with me?!?!?! It makes me really upset abd makes me feel horrible about myself. He doesn't understand when I try to explain. I don't really know what to do!


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Who indeed knows the answer to this? I sometimes wonder if instead of all of the society protocol, we all just did what we wanted to do at the time we want to do it, but then we would not have society. I believe that our understanding of this issue is confused by myths of fiction that we believe to be fact. Masculinity & femininty are not the same as male & female. We live at a time when males are wanting to become feminine & females want to wear the trousers. The art of luring is lost or at best confused. I know this all to well as I am labelled as a bi lesbian but have lived with a full time cross-dressing partner (there was a gender mix issue at birth) for over twenty years & that was my choice. I never have the problem as described here either way round, but I have learned to live as I want to live & not be dictated to, by anyone else. If there is a problem, & I am so sorry for the situation here, we may have to take a step back to principles and not just tinker with the timming. So, what happened to old fashioned luring, I learned to do that in the school playground, & it has never failed yet. Look at my etar-pic, I am not a catwalk model.
Best wishes

February 14, 2011 - 3:48am

Hi S,

Sorry you're going through this. Here are some questions very similar to yours, hope they help.


Good Luck!

February 10, 2011 - 7:18am
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