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Sex & Relationships Guide

Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

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ask: why doesnt my boyfriend want to have sex with me?

By Anonymous
 
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me and my boyfriend have been together for four years and we have never had sex. im still a virgin but i know im ready to have sex. but he doesnt seem to want too. ive basically thrown myself at him. ive told him i have wanted too multiple times but he doesnt seem interested. i feel like im inadequate as a woman. i odnt know what to do. its a little embarassing to throw yourself at your boyfriend and he doesnt even want to. im at my wits end can someone please help!

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Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your question and welcome!

There could be a couple of reasons why your boyfriend is not having sex with you. Is he also a virgin? He may be waiting - just like you - until he is ready. Perhaps he wants to wait until marriage. Is that the case with him?

If you have been in a romantic relationship for four years, then the topic of sex has come up, I'm sure. What have you both said about it? Have you really talked about it?

If you are ready, then you need to talk to him about whether sex is something you want to incorporate into your relationship. It's one thing he is wants it but is waiting for marriage or something similar. But if he simply doesn't want to have sex with you, it may mean that he looks upon you as a dear friend but not from a romantic stance.

You are not remotely inadequate as a woman; you just may be in the wrong relationship (with the wrong man). Please don't "throw yourself" at him anymore. It's humiliating and demeaning for either sex to have to do this, when they face rejection every time.

You need to find out what his intentions are. You may need to prepare yourself to wait longer, or to end the relationship but it has no bearing on your womanhood. Not every couple is right for each other and it's better to know now, rather than later. Either way, you have to know and you deserve an honest answer so YOU can decide your own future!

Good luck and I hope we hear more from you!
~Susan

May 2, 2011 - 12:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

susan,
thank you for answering. your right i dont want to throw myself at him anymore. it is humiliating. he's actually not a virgin, he has a child but he doesnt see him since the mother of the child doesn't allow him too. we have talked about sex before, before he said he wanted to but when ever tell him i want too or something along those lines he just kind of brushes it off. im not sure what to do. i tried talking to him but the subject doesn't end up anywhere but a fight.

May 2, 2011 - 12:22pm
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