Ask

nothing diffrent in his diet, and we dont really excersize we just bring the dogs for walks. No medication what so ever. He says he's sleeping well at night and i'm pretty sure he's not interested in anyone else. as we have a very open relationship and he would tell me because he knows that overall i want him to be happy as he feels twoards me as well. and no i've realized a while back that it's not my fault. He says he's tired from work sometimes but even on his days off he doesn't feel up to it. and i wouldn't guilt trip him over sex, it's not worth the argument. i have talked to him about it and he doesn't really know what it is either. And i do want to know what he wants but it feels like it's been so long that i feel weird initiating it now, like im usually payful and touchy but since it's been 2 months i just don't really feel like getting the " awwh babe not tonight" again. i don't get mad, but it frustrates me because i know it's not me but i can't help but think for a second that he's not interested in me sexually anymore and i've asked him about that but he says that he still finds me attractive. so it's kind of a confusing situation. He's not uncomfortable talking to me abotu sex, we used to talk about it all the time. (by used to i mean when we were still having sex.) It's been 2 months and he knows that i want to and it's causing problems now becase deep down inside he's worried im going to cheat on him because it's been that long. and i obviously wouldn't do that to him i would never hurt him. and i would never miss sex enough to cheat on him. i love him to peices and i know how it feels to be cheated on. im not even capable of it. i was a virgin when i first got with him because i was waiting for the right guy to come along and im convinced it's him. and even if i don't end up finding a reason and a solution for this it's not worth throwing our relationship away.and i think it might just be a phase, because w were having sex so often before that maybe he just wants to take a break from it. But i'm still hoping someone can lead me through this step by step so i can get some help on figuring out whats going on. Any ideas on maybe how to get it going now? and im goign to discuss it againg with him tonight, im going over to help him paint one of the rooms in his house so it's a perfect time to talk about it. i'll let you girls know how it goes and any new information that might be helpful for this, and also helpful to all the other women who are going through the same because i know how frustrating it can be because it becomes more than just sex after a while and starts to cause other problems.

Thank you Diane and Alison! I Appreciate the help.

Miss Kitty

When you say it ends up being about more than just sex, you hit the nail on the head. Sex is never a problem in relationships until it becomes a problem - and then it can over shadow anything else!

When you have been dating someone for only a year and the relationship becomes sexless (platonic) something is wrong.

I know you are sure he wouldn't "lie" to you but he may be lying by omission. In other words, not lying by what he says, but by what he doesn't say.

It's not normal to need to "take a break" from sex, no matter how much a person used to have it before. Sex is a natural and healthy form of any romantic relationship and unless a person has religious, medical, athletic or other reasons for not having sex, then it can actually be unhealthy.

Men are very sexual and to go from sex twice a day a few months ago to being completely sexless is not normal. By normal I mean "normal" is what works for a person and his mate, where both are happy and satisfied. For some couples it could mean sex once a month or less. For others it could mean sex every day. But in your situation, you are not happy so this aspect of your relationship together is not functional or normal.

If his health is good and there are no problems with erectile dysfunction or other medical issues - and if he is not depressed, then my guess is that something is wrong in the relationship and he is not ready or prepared to tell you. It could be anything from he's feeling down, to feeling this relationship is not working for him anymore, to stress or any number of things.

Many relationships end with one person having no clear idea that anything was wrong. I know someone who got divorce notification out of the blue with no real indication that her relationship was problematic. This is the nature of relationships; even with the best of intentions, we all hide things or omit things, because for whatever reason, we are not prepared to talk about it.

Do talk to him again, as you plan. I gather than he has said he is not stressed and is still attracted to you so what you may need to do is just be upfront...and ask him "why are we not having sex anymore?" This is an open ended question where he can't answer yes or no and just leave it. He doesn't need to be pushed in a corner or made uncomfortable but your concerns have to be addressed or the relationship will end. When two people have polar opposite sexual needs, the relationship needs a huge overhaul or it will end. But you cannot remain stagnant and rejected. It'll drive you nuts with stress. A sit down talk without use of excuses or things like "I am still attracted to you" is needed. When two people are in a romantic relationship and are sexually attracted to each other- they have sex. Telling a person they are sexually attracted to them and then never having sex does not make sense. That's like saying his favorite food is apple pie and he never, ever eats apple pie. Things need to make sense and this does not.

I wish you the best of luck with your talk and your relationship. I really hope you can work it out but my guess is that your boyfriend, even if he's the nicest guy in the world, is not being fully honest with you.

Please think about your own status in this relationship, as well as his. If you are not happy, neither of you will be. I think you are doing an amazingly good job about being patient and understanding and he is lucky to have such a loving girlfriend. But something is not right here and you deserve to know what, so that you can work through it together or end the relationship and move on.

We look forward to your update, my fingers are crossed for you!