Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?
We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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this is my situation as well. after 10 months, no sex-handholding-snuggling-ect. we are both healthy, 30 yr old professionals with a great life. or so you would think from the outside. but he could go months now without sex when before he used to want it 10x a day. it really is affecting my self esteem, which is affecting my everyday life. no meds. no diet changes. we did move in together and thats when it went downhill. but he's not cheating. when confronted about the relationship, he swears he wants this. i am independent and we live in my house, ect so its not like he HAS to be here...i'm just at wit's end.
maybe he is gay now. he doesnt want to tell you becuase he knows it will upset you. he still loves you but u can not please him the way he wants anymore. im kiddin. but its possible
or maybe he really is a cheater!!!!! But I do not think it is with a man if my boy friend an I stop having sex like we would when we first got together , an we have only been together for a year not to hurt you but I think there's some thing else taking his time from you. right is now is when there should be the most sex going on between you an your lover so if I was you I really would check in to him being with some one else you have been together for a little while already so, you should beabled to talk about thing,s like that an ha should have no problem answering the question. There should not be any thing to hide?????? And if he gets mad I would start to worrie not to be mean but it is life
Listen girls i am going threw the same thing with my man,we have been together for seven months now, he tells me baby it's not you it's the job. We use to have sex all of the time now i have to all most just cry for it just for him to have sex with me, I don't like pity sex so when he trys to have sex with me i don't want it. I think he is cheating but i do not want to just think this and i am wrong, all i know i am not happy anymore i love him with all my heart, but i want to be happy again what should i do. I love him and i want to stay with him but if he does not change then i know i need to move on it's just so hard to do when you love someone.
Dear Miss Kitty,
I will be brutally honest because I'm a male and we are brutal compared to women, so I'm allowed. We males are like females in many ways when romance is concerned, but in some ways we are also like aliens.
All men start with a 100% ability to love (the same as women), but, because of our promiscuous nature and minimal romantic education (most sex education, as limited as it is, does not include the most important thing for a woman - romance). We want to sow our oats until past our prime, and that's the trap that loses us our ability to love.
Each time a male has a sexual relationship with a woman, that doesn't include romance, a percentage of that ability to love is lost(the same, again, applies to women, though a female loses most to begin with and holds on to the last few percentiles whereas a male is exactly opposite).
Some of us have sex with as many women as we can, caring not for the woman's feelings because another is just around the corner, but in doing this we become cold-blooded regarding the "use"of women. Therefore I would ask you a number of questions to ascertain your boyfriend's current loss-ratio and the amount of love he's still able to maintain.
Sex is irrelevant without love to a woman who can still feel and need love. If all you want is sex then keeping this boyfriend can't be that important, and I suggest you start looking for a male who wants love and romance, who will do anything for you - this person has the only way for you to regain that ability. (Hard to find I'm afraid - these individuals stick with their partners and can only be separated by the death of their mate. You sound like you might be young so I suggest you go for a widower or a young and gallant male who is less likely to stray once he has invested his love in you.)
Does your boyfriend, when he has made love to you, get up straight away after sex without a long kiss/cuddle-period (to bring you slowly down from your arousal)? If he is a considerate lover he will ALWAYS do this, if he did do this before but doesn't now, then you have lost him, and any wish of yours to keep him is futile. You may already be his alternate sex-interest - if he can't get it somewhere else - and romance is not in his mind anymore (at least with you).
In a typical romantic relationship that begins as "permanent", a three year sunset-clause is attached. The bright and shiny stomach-achey love of the best relationships cannot breech this period - if the love is great then a comfortable and relaxed romantic friendship with follow (often it is only during this period that a woman will experience a total climax as she can feel safe enough to abandon her inhibitions with the trust such a solid relationship brings - funnily enough, a romance spike occurs if this happens as ALL males DREAM of producing a total climax in a female. By the way, most males are extremely sensitive to a female's REAL climax and most males know when a woman is faking it, but they go along with the act because to so otherwise would embarrass them.).
Anyone who expects to have a torrid and hot relationship forever is going to be disappointed. Those who wish to have romance for as long as possible (men or women) will dump their partner every three years and get a new one (I call them love-junkies) - but doing this will erode their abilty to love until a permanent life-long relationship becomes impossible.
It sounds like he's not concerned that after only one year his libido has dived, which means he doesn't care about you or your concern. I'm sorry to be blunt but that is life, if you can't deal with the truth of the matter you will only further hurt yourself. My advice is, as a male who believes women are better than men at most things that are important, DUMP HIM and move, he's a thoughtless slug who should be sensitive enough to either explain himself or find help. Personally I think he's getting sex somewhere else and you are being cheated out of your ability.
If you were my missus (girlfriend or wife) the first time you suggested you wished a little extra sex I'd have had you in every room of the house by weeks end - but not before nominating each room in advance and telling you what you were going to be in for (anticpation heightens satisfaction.).
By the way, with a little imagination and a deft hand with onés maintenance masturbation, a male can do it every day way past their prime and reach a level of rigidity that could rival a sex-toy - like me at 55 (use it or lose it).