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Why has my boyfriend all of a sudden not care about having sex anymore?

By June 8, 2010 - 11:30am
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My boyfriend and I are both 19 years old and have been together for a year and a half. We are both students at the same university and do a lot of work during the school semesters. We have had a lot of issues from the beginning of our relationship that we have tried to work out i.e his ex girlfriend and my self esteem. Now sex has always been really good for both of us. During the year it is a little harder to do it all the time but we still did it a few times a week. Then as the months went on our relationship has hit rock bottom a few times but we really care about each other so we try to work it out. All of a sudden though my boyfriend decides that sex isn't important to him anymore and that little things like seeing me smile and what not, which are great, make him happy. I told him to talk to me and to open up and that this was never going to work if he wasn't honest with me. He said he was not cheating and that he is used to not having sex and that it just isn't important to him. This is really killing me because my self esteem is low to begin with and this just isn't helping. I just really think this is weird that a 19 year old doesn't want to have sex often. I need advise!!!

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Miss Metal,
It is great that you have been able to communicate with your boyfriend about this, and I urge you to go one step further in your communication. However, you will need to have some conversations with yourself first, to know what you are truly needing from a relationship.

If he says sex is not important in his relationship with you, then the next step is to let him know that sex is important to you in a romantic relationship. Part of a healthy relationship is caring about the other's concerns, and what type of relationship you two, together, are willing to create. What do you want out of a long-term, romantic relationship? What are you willing to settle for?

If he does not want sex with you, and you think sex in a romantic relationship is important (as most people do), then it may be time to go your separate ways. He has changed the game in your relationship; you can not change or control him, but you can make an informed decision and choose your actions based on what you think is important in a healthy, stable, long-term romantic relationship and what he is willing to provide to meet those needs.

June 8, 2010 - 7:57pm
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