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Why hasn't my boyfriend left me?

By Anonymous January 19, 2013 - 12:33pm
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I was hoping you guys could help me get my brain going to explore some ideas about why my boyfriend is still with me.
We have been together for just over 2 years, and living together for 4 months of that time. We are both in our late 20s. When we first got together, it was awesome. We didn't go out all the time or anything, and that's cool with me. We would normally just hang out at his house watching movies and looking at funny stuff on the internet, and would have sex maybe 1-4 times per day/night! We were both sexual maniacs with very high libidos! And that continued for a considerable amount of time ... we had our issues, as do all relationships, but it would always be a case of getting over it within 24 hours and laughing about it, saying how stupid we'd both been - it was perfect for me!

Since living together, in a new town ... well, at first it was great! Then we had a little period where he just all of a sudden stopped trusting me, and although we're over that now, it took a long time, and for the life of me I still can't work out why he suddenly flipped. I was working long hours - he didn't believe I was at work. I told him how happy I was that I had finally found a friend here (female), and he couldn't stand that.
Now when we have sex, I feel like some sort of rapist. I have tried absolutely everything to arouse him, but now he even removes my hand from him, won't kiss me, only hugs me if he feels he really has to. If I'm upset about something, he gets angry - literally a "don't worry about it" from him, then if I don't get a grip immediately, he goes crazy! By the way, I haven't let myself go or gotten 'comfortable' with how I appear - I still look good, and my weight hasn't fluctuated at all. I am a very loving person, and I go out of my way for him often. I'm very relaxed and have never gotten frustrated with re-arranging things if he wants to do something that, say, he won't have the opportunity to do for a long time, and so on. I try to be the best girlfriend and friend that I can be.
So ... I can't understand why he is still here. It wouldn't be such a huge problem for him to pack his things and go - there are plenty of places he could stay whilst he sorts out somewhere more permanent, and his job is one where he could transfer to any part of the country whenever he so wishes. He doesn't like me anymore. He doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. He barely even talks to me anymore. So all in all I guess that means he doesn't love me anymore.
When things were good, he would often call me his wife and bring up conversations about getting married and having children without even any stimulus.
I would have left him about a month ago, however the house is in my name only, and the lease isn't up for another 7 months, so I can't just walk out. If I tell him to go, I know he won't. I'm not really sure what's up, or what I can do about it.
Any ideas? Cheers, Frustrated Jen x

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EmpowHER Guest

Communication. This is the key to any relationship. Getting assistance from a proffessional can be beneficial..but communication is key is any relationship. It is easy for anyone to look on the outside in....but everything is one-sided. If you love him, try and talk to him and work things out. Just understand, it takes two people to make something work...and understand if he is unable to work on his side.

I wish you the best in love,


January 20, 2013 - 9:41am
EmpowHER Guest

By the way, I should add ... the times we have had sex in the last few months ... his heart hasn't been in it at all, but by the end he is going crazy, telling me how sexy I am, how much he wants me, how lucky he is, then cuddling me and holding me after, repeating how much he loves me.
So it's almost like he ... forgets? ... every time that the sex we have is very good once we actually get down to it. Neither of us are lazy lovers when it actually happens. This is another reason why the sex part of the problem is so so confusing.

January 19, 2013 - 1:01pm
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