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Why isn't my boyfriend interested in me 'physically' anymore?

By August 17, 2010 - 8:52pm
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Im 20 and my boyfriend is 23 turning 24. We've been going out for 2 years and we have NO sex life. But this has not been a gradual thing, this has been going on for 2 YEARS! At first when we started to have sex it was ok then soon after I noticed there wasn't any evidence that he had 'enjoyed' sex. I asked him about it and he said he's been faking it! He wasn't lying either. Then the sex drastically cut down from 2-3 times a week to once every month. Now we have sex every 3 months. I have spoken about this to him, i have worn sexy underwear, i have tried doing things that I hate to him like going down on him and nothing works! I feel so unattractive and useless but he keeps telling me he loves me. When I talk to him about it he says he's tired, sex isn't important and that he doesn't feel like! I fear that he's cheating on me because he finishes work at 5, he should get home at 5.30-5.45 even with traffic but he gets home at 7.30-8. Also, a couple of weekends ago he went out drinking (he has a bit of a drinking problem) and he stayed out from 6pm Fri to 5pm Sat. He didn't let me know where he was at all and i had to call his boss and friends cause i thought he was dead! Then when he comes home he says his car keys and wallet were left in a cab so he walked to their lost and found but meanwhile, according to our bank statement, his card was used at a brothel and $800 was spent. He said it was truly left in a cab but i don't know if i believe him. I love him, i don't fully trust him and I don't know what to do.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi again Science Nerd and thanks for your update!

Do you think you are staying with him because you have financial concerns?

Either way, it comes down to you, whether you can both work on this or continue as is. Your relationship is considered "sexless" which means you are having sex less than 10 times per year. In fact, you're having it half of that.

You can choose to believes his stories (traffic holds him up for 2-3 hours every night, his card was stolen and it wasn't him who spent $800 at a brothel) or choose to move ahead alone and begin a relationship down the line that's more honest and real. The choice is really yours and that's a good thing!


August 23, 2010 - 1:08pm
HERWriter Guide

Dear Science Nerd

Thanks for your question and I'm sorry your relationship is not working well - everyone deserves to be happy with a partner who treats them well.

The truth of the matter is that your relationship is not a romantic one. You are friends who have sex a few times a year.

This has nothing to do with you as a woman, nor to do with being smart or attractive. You are with the wrong man, that's all! You are a very bad match and have been from the start (as you know deep down inside) and have ignored everything because, well, it's just easier that way.

I have no doubt that you are a highly attractive and intelligent young woman. It's probably time to end this period of your life and to move on. The other signs like taking several hours to come home at night after work - how many more signals do you need?

With regard to the missing wallet, I'm not sure what leaving it in a cab had to do with the fact that he went 'missing' for 23 hours over a weekend. It's up to you as to whether you believe his story or not. Either way, I'd have him checked out a clinic before I'd let him touch me and I'd put my faith in that credit card statement and reconsider whether he really is too "tired" for sex and that "sex isn't that important' to him.

Honestly, Science Nerd - it's time to face the fact that you're being played and it's time to take control of your own life and your own well-being. You may "love him" but he doesn't love you back and he's making a mockery of the relationship.

I'd also like to know your joint financial situation - who is paying for what, who pays what bills, etc?


August 18, 2010 - 12:29pm
(reply to Susan Cody)

I am a full time student at tafe. i get youth allowance but he pays for 90% of everything!

August 18, 2010 - 11:03pm
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