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Why is my libido non-existent?

By July 7, 2016 - 5:38pm
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Hi! I am 26, have two kids, been married 8 years, and have absolutely no libido. This is causing some serious problems in my marriage and I want to fix it ASAP! I have no desire to be intimate, or sometimes even snuggled or touched. I never think about sex, and nothing, absolutely nothing gets me even slightly turned on. Pre-kids, we had a fantastic sex life. I never climaxed, but it felt good and was really enjoyable. Over the course of a few years, my libido wavered, and slowly depleted, and now it's like I lost it and can't find it! When we do have intercourse, it's extremely painful, no matter how much lubricant I use. My vagina is incredibly tight and can't seen to "loosen up". It just flat out hurts, to the point of crying. I love my husband over the moon, and can't stand the fighting and horrible place we're in right now. Please please help!

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HERWriter Guide

Hi ChristinePikake

Thanks for your post and for reaching out to EmpowHER.

The good news is that you have an libido to begin with - since you enjoyed an active sex life before children. So at least the mechanics are there.

Some women with low/no libido are under emotional stress. Could that be the case with you?

I definitely think you should see your doctor about this, same as you would if other body parts weren't "working" properly. Some blood tests can see where you are in terms of your hormones which often are a cause of no sex drive. Having children really does change the body and often the hormones.

Once you figure it out from a physical perspective, counselling could also help. The media would lead us to believe that everyone is a sex maniac, dying for sex 24/7 and that's just not real life. So you're not alone.

Please make an appointment with your doctor to get the process started. I think it's also a good idea to tell you're husband you're taking steps to improve things.

We have a great Low Libido Advocacy Sheet that you can review here: http://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/low-libido-advocacy-sheet


July 8, 2016 - 6:32am
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