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Why wont my bf of 5 years have sex with me?

By June 23, 2012 - 7:57am
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We have been together 5 years, engaged 2. The past 2 years our sex life went downhill. I will try and put moves on him and he says "not in the mood, tired, he isnt on track" which I dont get that last one. I am not afraid to put moves on him cause I get rejected. He is 38 Im 32, and Im like ready to go. No kids, we have a house, and do other things together, but his uniterest in sex is killing me and leading me to bad thoughts. we have no weddiong plans, which I am getting cold feet and thinking is he the one? I mean seriously, I have tried talking nicely to him and asking if it's me or what, he told me before that when I yell or nag at him, it doesnt help, but I dont do that anymore. I have suggested couseling cause He isnt trying. I feel like he is the lazy one in our relationship. He doesnt make plans with me, I like to do things and go places and he would rather read or watch tv. We have no hobbies together, I like to workout, bike, go for walks, hiking and he is kinda a homebody and he isnt willing to try things with me. So I mean the other night when I tried to put moves on him, an d started kissing him he says "what are you doing? and he was like IM not in mood and I said I could get you in mood, and he said no. He isnt willing to try. I mean what guy doesnt love it when their girl wants them physically.

Maybe he isnt happy with me? I dont know... it's sad... What should I do? I mean it's been since feburary the last time we were intimate. NO kissing no hugging.. nothing it's now June.

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Thank you for your comment, I have heard this before from friends and other people, but just arent sure what to do. I tried the other night to put the moves on and got rejected again, and he says " he has to get back on tack" and Im like I dont get that. I have no idea what that means and have asked nicely, my patience is running thin. I mean I know I have said mean stuff to him like, that's it, im going out to find someone else, that's the point Im like to try and get a reaction from him and he says nothing back. Just Im sorry, and no actions. I dont get it. I said Im calling a therapist then. It's my fault too I think, but partly his as well. I know I dont help when I get mad and blurt things out, but it's frustrating. Maybe we are more like roomates than a couple, that's how I feel. I have asked him to explain to him but get nothing. So I guess I do have to rehthink this bigtime. Kinda sucks cause we have a house, dog, worked on this house, etc, so it's kinda hard to just walk away, but I know I cant stay in it if I am not happy. He's certainly not fighting for me......UGH.>>!!!

June 26, 2012 - 6:22am
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Hi Libby1980

Thank you for your post and I'm sorry that your relationship isn't working well.

You need to have a huge rethink about your relationship. It's not working, hasn't for years and it honestly sounds like your boyfriend agreed to an "engagement" to keep you quiet and happy, but has no desire for marriage. A several year engagement with no wedding plans isn't really an engagement - it's a tool used by one of the parties to keep the other one from going on about being committed. If your boyfriend wanted to marry you, he would have done so. Men know what they want and don't want.

He also doesn't want to have sex, hold you, hug you or kiss you. Why are you still in this relationship, as it is? You have no shared hobbies, do nothing together as a couple and he won't consider therapy. This isn't a relationship, Libby.

You need to decide if this is how you want things to be, because he has no intention of changing. He's not interested in being with you, based on his actions. Decide what YOU want for YOU and let him get on with his own life, like he's doing anyway. Every women deserves a decent relationship - you do too. Only you can decide your own path in life and right now, he is dictating your happiness. If you want changes, then it's you who is going to have to make them.



June 25, 2012 - 4:50am
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