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Why would a man hump a woman with incredible sexual fervor without an erection?

By August 10, 2010 - 9:04am
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my man reuses to let me talk during sex or any time, so I don't know how to communicate my annoyance, except to either turn away or try to give him an erection with oral sex. The seldom has an erectio and if he does it only lasts seconds and never long enough for penetration. He was treated with radio isotopes 7 years ago for protate cancer, but said he experiences consistent healthy erections with previous women, which is hard to believe. Having been single for 40 years, I am sexually well experienced and have no problems achieving orgasm, but he does not engage in foreplay for me. He is 68 and I am 65 years old. I am frustrated to the max.

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EmpowHER Guest

At my age you wonder if all the trouble is worth changing the sheets. I suppose that it is easy for a man who has been married for a long time to a women with low standards or expectationss, to develop bad sexul habits. The reason I am single is because my standards are a bit higher than that by having experienced some wonderful sex with a variety of men. OK. I will be patient. Thank you ever so much for your frank input that has given me a much healthier perspective.

August 12, 2010 - 8:10am

Hi Number48,
Thanks for coming back and giving more information. You sound really positive, I'm glad my suggestion seems to have given some kind of perspective.
All I can say about the humping your back is, he's a man, right? Is he joking, or really trying to arouse himself? Regardless of his virility in the past, if he's having trouble attaining or maintaining an erection now, it very well could be a medical condition (erectile dysfunction). His doctor can help figure out a solution to help both of you get the satisfaction you desire. Here is some information on that:
Hope it helps! Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

August 11, 2010 - 8:27am

Hi Number48,
Sorry for your frustration. Is this a new relationship?
It sounds like you are sexually incompatible, or are having difficulty with your ideas of sexual intimacy. If he's not receptive to your attempts you may need to evaluate the relationship and how important it is to you? How do you feel about masturbation? (You don't have to answer that, just making suggestions.) If the relationship is fulfilling in other ways, it may help intimacy in the bedroom, or help you to not be so concerned with the lack of stimulation you're getting. Try, but if it's not working, re-evaluate if it's right for you. You deserve to be satisfied too, but it's up to you to determine what you need to be happy in any relationship.

August 10, 2010 - 9:29am
(reply to Christine Jeffries)

Masturbation is something I can do for my self and always have in the absence of a man. Being that he feels so absent when we have sex, that is great and I will follow your advice. The 4 month old relationship is otherwise pretty good and we have a lot in common.

Thanks so much for pointing this out to me. If that doesn't solve my frustration and resolve his temendous, and constant sexual urgency without achieving an erection, it just seems silly to even try to have sex. Maybe he can accept a relationship based on affection which is something he might not be used to at all. Sigh.
But I am still puzzled as to if he thinks humping my back is foreplay and is this common behavior?

August 10, 2010 - 3:06pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Number48)

Hi Number 48

In addition to Christine's great advice, I am startled by your first original sentence of "my man refuses to let me talk during sex or anytime."

Can you explain what you mean by this? How do you have a real relationship, if this is the case?

Can you add a little more info on your relationship, aside from the sexual difficulties? You said your relationship is 'pretty good' but I'm confused as to not being allowed to talk at any time...


August 11, 2010 - 12:00pm
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