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Why would my boyfriend choose mutual masterbation over sex?

By Anonymous March 27, 2011 - 7:06pm
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months. The second month we were dating we had sex 4-6 times a week, almost everyday. One day when we were intimate he put on a condom and lost his erection. Ever sense he hasn't wanted to have sex with me. I asked him if that bothered him or he didn't find me attractive in the way anymore and he said that he thought he was just being overworked. Like we were having to much sex too fast. Now though he gets erections normally and we end up going to the shower and he will finger me till I orgasm and I usually give him a blowjob. I understand he still find me attractive and that we are still doing intimate stuff but I also feel like there isn't as much as an emotional connection. Is there something wrong? Should I be concerned? Should I bring this up to him? or just forget it?

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EmpowHER Guest

I am going through the same thing. I tried to talk about it, but he couldn't produce an answer. I took it as a lack of interest since he is 15yrs older than me and now he tries to shove his penis inside me. Which hurts more than anything! I guess I am just waiting on one of us to get so fed up we move on, I like him but the 'lack of interest' is really depressing me-so much so- I have lost interest in EVERYTHING!

March 30, 2011 - 1:35am

Hi Anonymous,

It sounds like your boyfriend may have some performance anxiety since the one instance of erectile dysfunction. He could be afraid that it may happen again, or since you mentioned that it happened while he was putting a condom on, it could very well be that the condom could be the cause and he is playing it safe in order to not get you pregnant. Can you talk to your boyfriend? It's perfectly fine to express how you feel while bearing in mind that he has feelings too and that if you do approach him about this topic, his anxiety can increase if you just say "Why won't you have sex with me? I am not feeling the emotional connection." Instead, try expressing how much you love/care about him that you enjoy the foreplay and wanted to know if he would have sex with you again-- in your own words. You can try easing from foreplay into a little penetration and moving to longer periods of sex from there. Instead of just jumping from foreplay to sex.

Hope this helps,


March 28, 2011 - 6:00am
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