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ask: Will we get back together?

By laticia27
 
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I've been with my boyfriend a year and it's been many ups and downs. The major issue is that I have 10years on him. I am 36 and he is 26. I am ready to settle down and build a life with him. He had doubts about the relationship, which was stressful. He would love the relationship on some days but hate it on other. It was stressing me out because he would make me feel horrible. It was always issues with his indecisiveness. It was causing me a ton stress..
He is moving to Atlanta and was suppose to be moving in with me. That's change so he is plan was to just move to Atlanta and not be here with me. He was suppose to move in July, but he changed his mind when decided to stay for his basket ball team. Not for me but the team. Yes, that hurt me deeply. So asked him how he was going to do his visits he told me he would visit every now and then. It forced me to break up with him. I was very upset and hurt, but didn't want to lose him but I had to show him I was serious about him changing his plan or at least include me in the plan. Well it back fired he was happy I broke up with him because he could date other woman. That was 3 weeks ago. It has been truly horrible for me. We have been talking but it's going no where, it usually end in me flipping out and him telling me that the reason we broke up was because of my trust issues and neediness.

He went to Atlanta for a week for a wedding and to add insult to injury stayed with a female co-worker. That stressed me out beyond belief it's like he didn't care. We had at that point decide to be together but with out the stress of a relationship. So in essence he wanted me to stay with him but not give me my title back. I found my self desperate to hang on to him so I agree. When he came back I was pissed off and left him at the airport, because he was not that nice while he was away. That didn't go over well since I had his car and left him at the airport. He was totally done with me at that point but, I was so upset that he was staying with this girl.
There where a lot reasons to break up, but I feel we're a great couple and compliment each other. He has made it very clear he doesn't want to get married and he doesn't want a long relationship, but he didn't want me to live him. I haven't been the best as I am horrible at break ups, Ive called, sent mean letters and text messages. Got totally wasted after dinner and called him crying. Its a mess. I keep telling him I am done, yet I cant move pass it. I feel like he was the one for me. My 4 year loves him and he loves her. He still wants to see her, but its hard for me because I want him back. He has been wonderful for her, and he was great to me, aside from the ugly part of the relationship. I know I may need to let this go or I must let this go, but I honestly don't know how. I have had my heart broke so many times its beyond repair. I feel so empty and alone. He was totally there for me many times when I lost my house, car and job a year ago. I have totally recovered everything, but when know one else was there for me he was. Just like when he went thru a similar situation with his car, I gave him mine. I just want the love and friendship we had. I don't know what to do or how to move pass it. He seems to be fine and having fun. I am crying myself to sleep and stressed out. Please help me find a path back to a smile.... thanks in advance for any advice you can offer.

Add a Comment10 Comments

darknesses_realms

I have been in similar sistuations like you have and I found the best thing, tho quite hard at times, is to cut them completly out of your life. Yea the first week or so really sucks. You cry, miss them and want to talk to get things fixed. But don't. Find things that you enjoy or you and your daughter enjoy and put energy into that instead. He sounds like he wants you around for a fall back when there isnt someone else and if thats not what you want its definatly going to hurt and effect you. In the end you will realize that you dont need him and you are happier with out stressing out over what isnt going to come out of a dead-end relationship.

June 14, 2010 - 8:25am
laticia27 (reply to darknesses_realms)

Hey Sweety,

Thank you so much, for your helpful words, as today is very hard, I spent my ride into work crying the whole way. Its hard when you don't have support or help and when the guy you thought was a true love turns his back on you it hurts.
I left him before when he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and when he came back I told him if he is not ready then to just leave me alone. He gave me the speak about being ready wanting to build things with me and my daughter. He even took it to another level saying that, once I get my tubes untied we could have child. I was beyond excited at the possibilities. I mean we both have great career and have great income. So it would have been great. Then he changed.

I had trust issues and smothered him a little. I took up way to much of his space, and I think I play a huge part of him wanting to be out of the relationship, other then him being immature and wanting other women. :(. I can honestly admit to my fault in it.
Its just very hard, because he lives 3 blocks from my house, and I know he is already seeing other women. He is denying this of course.
Just like his beyond rude comment on Saturday telling me "he has love for all not an individual". He was responding to me telling him I love him and he loves me. The above was his response. I was so hurt, by it but he has said some very rude things threw out the relationship.
No contact helps me because every time I speak with him, I give him more and more power. I have to take me back and take my power back.
I having a horrible day missing the guy I fell in love with. I honestly feel very alone. Sorry to sound so weak. :(

June 14, 2010 - 9:12am
darknesses_realms (reply to laticia27)

No reason to be sorry by how you feel. Everyone has been there at one time or another. Its hard at first trying to "elimiate" someone from your life. It really is, but I have found that the first few days are te hardest. Myself I try to occupy my time doing things that are kind of mind numbing, I play a lot of video games which keeps my mind off things or I immerse myself in books/movies...none which has a romance plot of any kind that way I don't start missing someone who I am better off with out. Another thing I do is definatly erase their number from my phone and anywhere else it may be, if it is memorized its a bit harder obvisouly but before calling try to stop for about ten minuets and rationalize why you are calling. I have found that being emotional dosent help things at all when calling an ex. I actually found indifferenct towards them to be very helpful in moving on, kind of like if you are calling cuz he has someof your things then only call for that reason and once you are done get off the phone. This way you are not giving him control of how you feel. I have also found that keeping a journal about your thoughts and feelings helps me a lot to. that way you can say everythign you have to about or directed towareds him with out actually having to talk to him.

June 14, 2010 - 11:44am
latina21

well its his loss he never really told you he wanted a long term relationship and he told you he won marry. so he to me still thinks like a child and not a man and what you need is a man not a kid. good luck friend.

June 13, 2010 - 5:59pm
laticia27 (reply to latina21)

Thanks so much Latina21, the issue arouse only this year. When he asked to be in a relationship with me he knew I wanted all of those things and he agreed to venture into that with. We where in a long relationship, so him saying that just didn't make sense and it was killing me because of his indecisiveness. I stayed out of crazy love and the possibilities and the love he and my daughter shared.

His not wanting a long relationship just recently in the last month occurred, so of course I was wondering what happened.

Your right he has a lot of growing to do, and I just need to find my strength every day. I am so happy to have suck kind words from you ladies.

Thanks so much honey

June 13, 2010 - 6:13pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

WOOHOO! That's the ticket! Heart break is yesterday's news......tomorrow will be a better day!

June 13, 2010 - 10:36am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have to agree with Anonymous on this one. I think moving on is much better then trying to hold on to something that has passed. Yes, we have all been there and have our box of chocolates and tissues to thank but you certainly will get over him and find someone that is much better and treats you as you should be treated.

Take this as a learning lesson of the kind of relationship you don't want. Big hugs! Wishing you much more happiness in the future.

June 13, 2010 - 8:42am
laticia27 (reply to Anonymous)

Thanks so much pumpkin!! You're so right about the chocolate and tissues. LOL I was sitting here with Ben & Jerry's chocolate ice cream. I know this will pass, and I have to cut all communication with him. He was being cold to me just yesterday.

When someone shows you that you don't matter to them, its time to wake the heck up. I was at a weak moment when I told him I still love him and want our relationship. He's responds was rude and that "he loves all not an individual" I was totally taken back. It was a slap in the face. Its ok because you just can't treat people that way.

I cut my phone off and went to bed. No tears just realty..
Moving on time, some days are good and some are bad. I'm stay busy so the good out way the bad. :)

June 13, 2010 - 11:08am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hey, you.
I'm no relationship guru, but really every girl goes through some sort of emotional breakdown when it comes to relationships. I know how much it hurts, really, when the one guy you think so much of, the one that appeared in all your future musings and plans disappoints you like that. However, I need to tell you that, from my experience especially, it will pass. I know its easier said than done, but I've done it, we all do it...we get over the guy. First, honestly, you have to start believing that you can do this, and that you don't need him in your life, especially not as a boyfriend, not anymore. You need to see that in the future, there's going to be someone new, someone you'd love so, so much more, someone you're going to actually marry and live with for you, and that perhaps then, this relationship with this guy wouldn't matter half as much anymore. If he allows himself to run off with some other girl / takes basketball more seriously, girl I say you deserve so much more. So cry, of course you cry, but after that, pick yourself up, don't let him ruin you, start anew. You'll find that special someone who's gonna make you thank God you didn't end up with this man. Give that love and devotion to someone who deserves it. Feel better! <3

June 13, 2010 - 8:11am
laticia27 (reply to Anonymous)

I thank you so much for that. Sometime is best to step out side of the situation to understand the depths and to get a real view. It's very true when the saying goes REASON SEASON & LIFETIME. Its sometimes so hard to understand that when your in love with someone. He came in to my life at a very hard time and I think I held on to that more then anything. It was a reason, as season and of course I am not his lifetime.

On to the road of healing. I know there is someone more mature and ready to be with me out there.

Thanks again for your comment.

June 13, 2010 - 10:04am
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