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Women and Lying

By March 5, 2008 - 8:41am
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The author of a new book says that society forces women to lie.

Do you agree with that statement? If so, what do you lie most about? (Weight, age, emotions, other?)

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This is off-topic of original discussion regarding society, women and lying, but thought was fascinating:


New study shows that pathological liars, manipulators and cheaters actually have abnormal brain structure!

The researchers found that liars have more white matter and less gray matter in the brain.

White matter is primarily what the brain is made up of; what we think of as "the brain". The habitual liar has a surplus of white matter, and may be more advanced in their verbal skills and in their ability to conduct the complex task of lying.

In contrast, the gray matter is what connects the white matter together. It helps us make moral decisions and aids in suppression and inhibition. Habitual liars, with a deficit in gray matter, therefore, are less able to process the moral decisions of lying.

The article also discusses long-term implications of this finding, including potentially aiding criminal investigations or in making clinical diagnoses.

Read the article, and tell me what you think!

March 8, 2008 - 2:52pm

I used to "hide my age", because in my experience, being female and young (and I look even younger than my real age!) is difficult when in the professional arena with older folks, who do not take us "young professionals" as seriously. They make jokes, or call us "kiddo", when we have the same degrees, intellect, job position and sophistication. Granted, they have more years of experience, which is why I respected them and valued their expertise and opinions. However, the respect was not always reciprocal, on the basis of age.

So...women approaching their 40s or 50s or 80s don't just hide their age, so do those of us who are in our 30s (and I especially did when I was in my late 20s, out of college and still lumped in with those "wild kids" who were just turning 21).

Actually, what this is called is ageism and our society puts so many stereotypes on individuals, no matter what their age! It's just another reason to label someone and make assumptions....grrr.... Can you tell this is my sensitive topic?! :-)

March 8, 2008 - 2:25pm

I was going to say...are men really any different? I think not; and I think both men and women lie about pretty much the same things and for similar reasons. I've even known men to lie about their hair color (remember Grecian Formula?). Position, cars and money are not just "guy lies," anymore; but men play those games better than women.

When it's no longer a game is when it hurts someone else. But, is it really lying to not tell someone a hurtful truth? Wouldn't it be wiser to exercise discretion in some matters? I suppose that falls in the category of "beneficial lying."

About age: I was raised to believe that a woman who would tell her age would say anything. It wasn't until I turned 50 that I didn't care, anymore, about making it such a huge mystery. Most people can do the math, once they know how old my kids are. Besides, I have great genes - my mom looks terrific for her age and no one ever believes how old I am. I just hope that holds true when I'm my mom's age!

March 5, 2008 - 5:59pm
HERWriter Guide

Really interesting stuff!

One thing I can say is that I don't believe women lie anymore than men do. If a man wrote about men lying, he'd fill an entire book too.

However, I think women lie about different things than men.

I have a huge pet peeve about women lying about their ages or going all shy about it. Why on earth?

I was talking with someone recently, along with my girlfriends and she said something along the lines of "well, I'm not sure, I mean, I'm not gonna say how old I am [insert embarrassed giggle here] but..." and I interrupted her and said "Why wouldn't you say? I'm 38 and proud of it!" and she said "Oh! Well! I'm 38 too!" And she seemed almost pleased that I 'admitted' my age so that it freed her to do so as well. And it about floored me! We are now embarrassed to be 38? My goodness, what are these women going to be like when they are 58! I am just flabbergasted that 38 is an age to hide! I'm 38 and feel great! And I have babies and toddlers! I just find it so disconcerting that at 38, a woman is hiding her age. She shouldn't hide her age no matter what it is and who taught her that 38 was something to cover up - like she had committed some kind of crime - by aging into her 30s. For shame!

Women also lie about weight, height and natural hair color.

Women lie about the physical. Because that is how many of us are valued. We lie about cosmetic procedures done, we lie about age (which is totally insulting to ourselves and the fabulous older women who have gone before us) and we lie about all things to do with our looks and our bodies.

Men tend to lie about achievements - because that is often how THEY are valued. They lie about their job titles, their salaries and what kind of car they have.

Boy - we think we've come so far and in so many ways we're right back in the 1950s.

So we all lie about some things - I think it's human nature. I just wish women would stop lying about stuff we cannot change - our physical being. It diminishes our accomplishments and hands power over to those who value women as nothing more than physical vessels.

I am 38, I am 5'8" tall and weigh 141 lbs. I'm a size 8. I color my hair, too. And I have some lines around my eyes when I laugh. I also have a little boy and two small girls who think I'm a goddess from heaven, like all little kids think of their mothers. It's great - even on days when you feel dreadful, your little kids think you are a Queen. How is that for a self-esteem booster?! What a shame if they saw me whine about my belly or lie about my age. What am I then teaching them?

Oh and guess what. When I wrote my height and weight above, I first wrote that I was 139. Because it's nice to be in the 130s! So I deleted it and wrote in my real weight because I'm, thinking "hey phony, if you are going to be so honest, write down your real weight!"

So I did :)

March 5, 2008 - 1:37pm
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