Alexandra's Story - A Ray of Light After 10 Years of Pain
I can say it - I have vulvodynia. For me that means I experience sex as an intense burning, like scraping a knife over a raw patch of skin or squeezing a watermelon into your nostril. Not fun, to say the least. And it's not just pain with sex. Tampons, jeans, riding a bicycle, and excruciating pap smears leave both me and my doctor in tears.
I was finally diagnosed after 10 years of pain, misdiagnosis, and emotional anguish. I saw six different doctors during this time who were baffled as to why I was in pain and how to help me. Finally my naturopathic doctor discovered that my estrogen level is lower than that of a post-menopausal woman, and I'm 31. I'm starting on an estrogen cream therapy to see if it helps. I'm hopeful, because the only time in my life that I didn't have extreme pain with sex was during both of my pregnancies, which suggests my vulvodynia may be hormonally linked. As I understand it there is more than one kind of vulvodynia, but it is still poorly understood by scientists.
I learned from the recent Vulvodynia Awareness Campaign launched by the NIH that up to 10% of women will experience some level of vulvodynia at some point in their lives. That's an incredible statistic for something most people have never heard of. We suffer in silence, and the personal stories we could share to learn and support each other are few and far between. It's just not the kind of thing you bring up at the weekly office lunch party. I decided to tell my story and put it out here, for what it's worth, hoping to help someone who may be lonely and afraid or inspire someone else to share their experience too.
Thinking back to when I first felt the grating, stinging pain, at the time I really didn't know what to think. I couldn't get past the feeling of being broken, the thought that this is not what sex is supposed to feel like. I didn't know where to turn. I remember asking my mom and my doctor if sex was supposed to hurt, and when they reassured me that it didn't, I felt myself crumbling inside. I got up the courage to go to a gynecologist, who very painfully probed me and told me to just relax and use lubrication. Another one put me through a battery of tests and told me all my levels were "within normal limits". A third doctor told me she was going to try to "open up a tight area" by burning my vaginal tissue with silver nitrate. Thinking it would help me, I let her do it on two occasions. It was all I could do to stop images of rape from filling my imagination. Needless to say, my symptoms did not improve. I read everything I could about vulvar pain, and tried simple home remedies like using very gentle detergents, modifying my diet, and wearing loose cotton clothing. No difference. I tried homeopathic remedies, reiki, and acupuncture. Still the same pain. I began to give up hope, and resigned myself to believing that this was just something I would have to live with for the rest of my life.
During this time, my motherly instinct grew so strong that it temporarily overcame the pain by sheer determination, and to my great relief it worked and we got pregnant quickly. We now have two beautiful daughters and are so grateful for them every day.
I remember learning that vulvodynia can sometimes improve after childbirth, but I actually had the opposite experience. In the past two years since my second daughter was born, the pain has increased. It also changed so that I now not only feel pain during contact, but also with normal activities like walking or taking a bath. The pain will flare up without warning and for an unpredictable amount of time. While not severe enough to impede my daily life, this new kind of pain did led me to seek naturopathic care, and I was so fortunate to find a wonderful, compassionate doctor who is working with me to reduce my pain. I also practice tai chi to help balance my body, mind and spirit.
I still have a glimmer of hope that I can live pain-free, but I must admit that the thought of pleasurable sex is just too far for me to even think about. Even if the physical pain went away, which I'm not convinced it will until we understand more about vulvodynia, I have so much psychological and emotional trauma to work through.
I am so grateful for my amazing husband who is supporting me through this. Vulvodynia really does affect both partners. We have been through the trenches together in so many ways, which has brought us as close as two people can be. We love working together, as scientists and entrepreneurs, and want to do whatever we can to help solve this puzzle and reduce suffering for me and millions of others in pain. Sharing my story is the first step. Founding CureTogether.com is the second step, bringing patients together to work towards making discoveries and curing vulvodynia and other chronic conditions for good.
Thanks for reading, and see you at http://www.curetogether.com!
Alexandra
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Thank you for sharing such detail about your story so openly. Your descriptions of pain made me cringe remembering just how bad it was. I am relieved to see things are getting so much better for you.
There are so many of us out there, I hope more people will have the courage to open up and share to gain more knowledge about these secret conditions.
Thankfully, I also had an incredibly supportive boyfriend through my time with vulvodynia. I completely agree-- it affects both partners dramatically. But I will also say that I didn't appreciate people saying "your poor boyfriend" when I would dislose my inability to have sex because of my pain. What about us-- the direct sufferers? I felt like some people were too disconnected to understand.
What a great post--thank you for sharing such a personal story!
I have a question about your hormone levels, as I don't understand why a lab/doctor could not figure this out. Specifically, it sounded like you did get your hormone levels checked with one doctor, who (based on pre-deteremined laboratory measurement criteria) said that your "levels fall within normal range", but all other indicators of experience was saying otherwise (feeling less pain during pregnancy, for example). Your naturopath was able to figure out/assume that your hormone levels were low, without the lab results. Can you explain this more? Do the pre-determined levels need to be reconfigured, to help more women be properly diagnosed? What tools did your naturopath use to determine your low hormone levels (besides common sense?)
thanks!
Hi Alison,
Thanks for the question! My naturopath actually did retest my hormone levels, but took my whole picture of health into account when determining that they were too low, rather than just look at the absolute number (although even that was lower than when I had the first test done).
But the "normal range" is so vast, a range of hundreds of points, that it almost doesn't make sense to even have a range. It's hard to know where you fit and what is normal for your body when there is such an expanse of possible hormone levels.
It makes me wonder how much we really know about women's health and how much is still guesswork. Lots more research needs to be done!
Wishing you health,
Alexandra
I agree completelely Alexandra. I also watched a video on EmpowHer just yesterday addressing this exact concern about hormone range accuracy: http://www.empowher.com/share/hormones-and-endocrine-system/thyroid/vide...
Very interesting.
and everyone else who has shared their story.
I had never heard of Vulvodynia until it was first talked about on this website.
How strange that something that affects up to 10% of women in their lifetime remains so unknown by so many.
I hope this condition can be 'fixed' and better understood, for all the women who suffer from it. More and more, I realize how crucial hormones are and how they can affect us when they skid off the rails.