I read a article in Empower her about Burn Out and it all hit home for me why I am the way I am today. When I was a nurse I was working alot as we were understaffed then my personal life started to become as it felt like to me a nightmare I found out my husband had lung cancer and at the same time my mom became very ill, heart surgery, hip and so on and so forth,it went on for many years. I worked hard being there for both of then because I was so afraid of losing them.I realized on top of everything else my dad became confused and angry as his world was not the same,so I was doing my best to be there for him. I found myself becoming like a robot just doing what I had to,to survive from hospital to another and work again.I ended up in the hospital myself from burn out a mental meltdown,exhausted to the point I could not even speak. I also found myself so depressed and distraught when I came to because I thought I failed at trying to control the situation around me. The doctor explained to me I was doing to much for to long,and I had burn out. I had to take time of work 2 weeks in hospital and also had deppresion wow I could not believe it. My husband after 3 years passed away and my mom also passed in 2010 and my sister Feb 2011, alot of grieve all to soon but I had to learn to look inside myself and say that nothing I could have done could have changed the circumstances no matter how hard I tried to prevent it. I am now on disibility after 12 years and understand I was greiving in my own way being the only caregiver I didn't know how to cry or show any emotion.I am trying to take care of myself now piece by piece and everyday I wake up I go for a walk and just feel the fresh air and I appreciate the time I have alone time for me,just to heal I know it will take time and I am learning that little things in life are worth living for, like a smile and laughter.
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