I raised my kids, sadly they are all moved and busy with their lives. I have 3 wonderful Grandchildren. I have a husband thats been at the same dead-end job for 31 years and gets worked like a dog, hasn't had a raise in 16 years, is laid off almost all winter because of the housing market. Then the company files bankruptcy and regroups, we lost all retirement funds. Husband says he is too old to start over and now has bad arthritis in neck and hands. He is angry and bitter and depressed.The good point of his job is we have good health insurance. I work on a big farm, I work hard and always thought I was in shape until last July when I got sick and was told I had a very ugly cancer growing in my uterious. I was right in the middle of a huge home project, My deck had collasped on my home 2 years before and I loved a project! This is a very old house and it was a very expensive wrap around deck that supported a wrap around roof. At this point I thought I was going to die, so all I could see was a huge bill I was gonna burden my family wtih!! I had surgery in August, a complete hysterectomy and they took my lymp nodes also, 4 days later I attended my only daughters wedding that I had planned for a year before my sickness. I lived and have been cancer free thus far! But its only 2011! I was never much for Doctors, I had 3 kids and could count the times I had been to see doctor on 1 hand. Two months went by and they had a series of tests they wanted done to get me healthy, so I had a breast exam and it was positive for precancer in my left side, so had another surgery and they removed a golf ball size from left breast, then I had a colonostopy, that was normal. Then I had 3 hernia's repaired, I do believe that was the wrost of all of the surgery's. All this hapened in 2010 from August to January. I have changed and have become very weird. I worry, worry, worry. I am a nervous wreck, I feel like crap, I have no ambition anymore, I am lazy, and have a pretty bad attitude. I use to adore my home and enjoyed remodeling and building on, mostly I did the work myself and paid for it. Now I have lost all the care about it and just have this doomed feeling. It needs large expensive fixs and I feel totally overwhelmed and its just too much and I am scared of debt. All of a sudden I want to move. And with the economy bad and the housing crunch, I fear that I can't even sell it, let alone make back 1/2 of what I put into it. I think I am loosing my mind, I don't even know myself anymore, I have changed and can't find me. I don't know if this is normal, but if anyone can shead light on my destructive path, I would love to hear from you.
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