I have a problem with my husband. He keeps on saying that he is very depressed and that we need to change things in our life, that he does not have enough activity and that he is feeling very lonely isolated, kind of a vegetable. We moved out to a foreing country 4 years ago where the culutre is very different from anglosaxon culture, people are cold and we do not really speak the local langugage. As I am very socialble and in 12 step programs, I am OK but he did not really manage to make friends here and we are now in the process of moving to a differnt place where we know the culture, speak the language and people are generally warm and friendly. But the move will take a while and he is REALLY draning me with his constant complaints and constantly telling me how depressed he is. I feel like I am fixing and doing everything and I am totally drained by his low moods. I organised that we join a nice international health club, listen to him all the time. He often gets angry with me as if it was my fault that he is feeling depressed or in a bad mood. What do you suggest I do?
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I'll watch for it. In the meantime, best wishes, one step at a time. (Baby steps, sometimes.) Diane
December 10, 2009 - 8:41amThis Comment
HI, Samurai, and thank you for your question.
If your husband is depressed, he had a medical condition that is affecting his body's chemistry. The best thing for him to do would be to seek treatment from a counselor/therapist and/or a psychiatrist.
Depression has causes, symptoms and treatments of its own, just like any other medical condition. You can't "get better" just because you want to. You often have to work at it, through a combination of therapy, medicine, nutrition and exercise. These are the things that will get the chemistry back in line and help the depression lift.
His mood and anger come from the depression. Depression's job is to keep us down, to keep us immobile, and to make us resist help. We often have to work really, really hard to get off the couch and into someone's office to ask for help. But it's the best thing we can do.
And no matter how hard you try, you can't fix it for him. You are helping him by listening, but don't let his depression make you believe that something you do or don't do will change it for him.
Would your husband be open to therapy and/or medication? Can you seek this where you are? Or must you wait for the next move?
November 25, 2009 - 9:50amThis Comment
Dear Diane,
December 2, 2009 - 5:22amThank you for your response. We went to our usual holiday place in the mountains where we have lots of good friends and husband is feeling much better and so do I. Is it possible that he just had a tough time due to isolation and loneliness and that he does not have depression?
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