i have problems reaching orgasm. i have tried everything. ive had to fight for any kind of help, by the way. doctors dont think women really have to have a satisfying sex life like a man does. they always want you to go to counseling. thats a cop out. are there any medicines being tested for women with decreased blood flow to the genital area for instance? it seems as if no one is interested. women have a higher rate of sexual dysfunction than men do and no considers us worth helping. i and alot of women like me are frustrated and it shows in our relationships. donna
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thanks for your support. i know life is too short. i have tried to be positive and hopeful. i would like to hear from sex experts with feasible suggestions.
July 10, 2009 - 7:48pmThis Comment
im am still frustrated by the comments and suggestions thath i am getting. it seems that women are put into catagories. what i mean about that is that we have to be menopausal with low libido which i dont have and im not menopausal. i love sex. i have no loss of libido. i am not on antidepressants so i will be excluded from trying viagra for those reasons. i know because i have tried to get in a clinical research study. i know that i have decreased sensation because i know my body and it has changed. i tried a testosterone cream but when you put it down there it is like putting vasaline down there. the sensation is better but i have all this unnatural lubrication (oil based) that doesnt feel right. basically there is no friction so it defeats the purpose. i cant afford the eros, it is $375 dollars. that bothers me because insurance will cover a penis pump for men. my insurance co. stated that the eros was a conveinence (toy) and wouldnt cover it. the doctor reluctantly will agree to test my testosterone level but told me there is no treatment available anyway so it is not useful. the doctor suggested astroglide. i have not tried it yet. i used a tingling cream and was sore for a week. my boyfriend and i have seperated now because he said he feels that it takes too much time to get me aroused and he doesnt feel the problem will be corrected with him so he is the 2nd man that has bailed out of the relationship with me. he said his last girlfriend never had a problem which i have heard before. i am a very pretty woman, i have been told and also very sexual but when i gently ask them to take more time they are insulted and i have been very careful not to be negative or demanding to them. i am now alone and i think it will always be an issue so i have backed off and am not having relationships because i feel defeated. im embarrased about using toys in front of them and alot of guys are insulted by that (not being able to be the one that can give me an orgasm). my doctor feels estrgen is not right for me because i dont need it yet. i have never tried zestra. really at this point i am really ready to give up. thats why i just dont feel like having sex anymore, it is basically to please the man, by the time i get aroused it is over. i also think to be in a clinical trial besides the exclusions you have to have a partner. i think the viagra studies on men did not have that exclusion. i am a nurse and the doctor that i work with will ask a man if he has any sexual difficulties but it is not part of a womens assessment because there is no treatment. by the time and it ever happens that a treatment is available i will not benefit because i will be too old and be cosidered not worth treating. i am a little jaded from the lack of concern from the so called experts. i went for a visit with a counseler and she wanted to know all about my childhood and not get down to business. by the way i have never had an abusive situation or rape. i had a great childhood. i stopped going. when i was in my 20s and 30s i had alot of sensation down there. i am 40, not old but i feel i could be helped. i am well adjusted so you see, now i think you have all the information, do i sound like i am completlely "broken"? i dont think ao. i know this is a long message but i wanted to give all the facts. i dont know really why i wrote it probably to get it off my chest because i really have given up on it and am working on accepting that my sex life it pretty much over.
July 10, 2009 - 6:10pmThis Comment
It's okay to vent your frustration. I'd like to have our Sex Experts read your comments and see if they can offer any help.
Don't give up - life is too short.
July 10, 2009 - 7:08pmThis Comment
I am worried about using a hormone cream but I do use the Zestra because it is all natural & not hormonal. I like it. The cinnamon oil creams (I call them "lip venom" because they are the same stuff that gives you a "trout pout") and the menthol creams sting too much for me.
July 6, 2009 - 10:46amThis Comment
The testosterone cream is pure testosterone. You apply it to your forearm and it absorbs into your system. Insurance won't cover it so it costs around $60 for a supply that lasts for several months. No menthol; no scent at all really with that cream. The ZESTRA is not menthol either. It does have a scent. I felt good about trying it because it is physician backed and had some good studies behind it. It actually lasts a while.. I was surprised.
July 2, 2009 - 4:39pmThis Comment
I understand the frustration of low libido. I also have had my hormones tested. My testosterone was low. I am almost 43, and it IS weird how my body has changed. My doc prescribed a cream.. prescription only from a compounding pharmacy and that does help. Also, Zestra is a good product for stimulating your genital area. It isn't a lube necessarily. When you use it, it awakens the whole area really nicely. It is very stimulating.
July 2, 2009 - 9:34amThis Comment
Is the cream that you are referring to...is this a menthol cream? Have you had any adverse side effects (itching or burning, for example)? How long do the pleasant effects last?
July 2, 2009 - 1:01pmThis Comment
my comment was not on low sexual desir but inability to reach orgasm and decreased sensation. i just wanted to clear that up. i have much desire. donna
April 20, 2009 - 5:08amThis Comment
Hi,
I believe Tina and Alysia understood that you are experiencing a lack of blood flow and decreased sensation, instead of low libido. The information they provided is based on the fact that you pointed out---there are no real medications for women (yet), and a severe lack of research and interest in women's sexuality.
Have you had your hormone levels checked? This is the ONLY suggestion that I have been able to come up with, based on my research. It is frustrating that women have been left "waiting and wanting" as Tina said.
Specifically about hormones, "After menopause, estrogen levels begin to decline, causing a decrease in blood flow to the genitalia. This can lead to changes that affect sexual function."
Have you been diagnosed with a "decreased blood flow" to your genitalia, or is this self-diagnosed? There are some estrogen-therapies that can help.
Regarding the decreased sensation, the woman below that suggested a topical cream for this. I believe she is referring to a menthol cream, that has been shown to increase sensation for some women. Other women experienced side effects (burning, itching and irritation on the vulva).
There have been no medications nor herbal remedies that have consistently been proven to work, either with low libido, decreased sensation, inability to reach orgasm, or any other sexual dysfunction or problem.
You may find this article interesting (click here), as it goes more in-depth about sexual problems in women.
There are some sensate-focused exercises that you can do, that have been proven successful and effective, and that can at least help with one of your frustrations. The other frustration, low blood flow, may be from a hormonal imbalance (estrogen, progesterone or adrogen?) Also, are you currently taking any medications that could be causing this side effect?
I would also keep looking for a good doctor and/or sex therapist that can help you. They do exist!
July 2, 2009 - 1:00pmThis Comment
As you know, you are not alone. Many women feel frustrated by the lack of attention given to a woman's inability to achieve orgasm as well as women's sexual health overall. To understand more about orgasm, you may want to watch some of our interviews with relationship and sex expert Dr. Marty Klein:
Woman Can’t Orgasm During Sex = Sexual Dysfunction?;
What Is A Sensate Focus Exercise?
Just last week, it was discovered that Viagra -- the drug that has helped with male dysfunction may be of some benefit to women on antidepressants:
Sex Help For Women? Viagra May Boost Female Libido in Some Cases
and our subsequent video follow up:
UPDATE: EmpowHer Sexual Health Expert Dr. Goldstein In the News Regarding Viagra's Effect on Women
Also, the wonderful Dr. Deborah Rouse-Raines answered a question from another woman regarding orgasm that I think you will find helpful. You can read the question and Dr. Rouse-Raines answer here:
https://www.empowher.com/ask/why-cant-i-reach-orgasm
And yes, it is frustrating to know that Viagra has been around for 10 years now with Levitra and Cialis close behind, while women are still waiting and wanting. But there are two companies that are looking to at least help with the sex drive portion of orgasm.
BioSante Pharmaceuticals out of Illinois has launched several late-stage studies of a testosterone gel intended to remedy libido loss after menopause. And, a nonhormonal treatment sits on the horizon, with late-stage testing well underway. Boehringer Ingelheim's once-daily pill acts on serotonin receptors in the brain, which is the organ most heavily involved with sexual desire. Studies involve pre-menopausal women bothered by a low sex drive. Whether these pills will lead to orgasm is another story entirely.
July 31, 2008 - 8:43amhttp://health.usnews.com/articles/health/sexual-reproductive/2008/03/27/...
Finally, as Alysia has mentioned, we have forwarded your question to one of our amazing sexual health experts.
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