I had a stroke 8/09 but recoered in9 months, my daughter and onlly child commited suicide 8/010, lost 2 friends of 40+ yrs within 6 months in 011, they were the only ones I talked to, brother died suddenly 10/3/011 and my husband of 21 yrs died Oct, 16, 2011. I am totally alone and can't even get dressed. Dr prescribed Celex anti-dep but no help to sleep. I don't attend church but have several email friends in other states. My world has disappeared and I am sitting in the mess left over. I don't know what to do. Why am I the only one left?
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Hi Anonymous,
I often wondered where I was meant to be...what space I took up in this large world.....I am also a survivor of suicide. My husband removed himself from our world in Iraq in 2005. I live alone now with my dog who seems to always be excited to see me, even if I don't get out of bed or brush my teeth.
Life does move on. It takes time....and it is when you are ready. You are reaching out to us and this is a great step in the right direction. Get out of the house and go to church. This will be another step in the right direction. Guess what? We do survive and live on to help others. An advocate of life, per se. If you ever need a shoulder, you can count on me. It's time to live....
Best wishes,
Missie
November 12, 2011 - 11:48amThis Comment
Anonymous,
I just wanted to echo Maryann and say that we DO care about you. I've been thinking of you ever since your first post and sending good thoughts your way. You're in my mind and you're in my heart and you're certainly not alone. People are reading your post and you are touching our hearts. Our hearts go out to you for you to reach out and grieve. We will grieve alongside you and hope for you when you feel you can't hope.
Warm thoughts,
November 11, 2011 - 9:32pmElena
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I came upon your post and I cannot go to bed tonight without reaching out to you to in some way. I have no words that can offer you comfort, other than as one human being to another, you are not alone. People, though you don't know our names or can see our faces, care about you.
Please use this site to share your pain and tears. Your pain is great. Let caring souls help you with your burden.
Maryann
November 11, 2011 - 7:13pmThis Comment
Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry for all of your losses but you are not alone. I know it feels as though you are but you have yourself to live for-- if no one else. Your feelings are completely valid-- you are a woman who has lost so much in such a short period of time...there is nothing wrong with feeling this way.
Please let us know where you are located so that we can help you find grieving support groups, at the very least.
Since you mentioned church-- have you thought about finding a church in your area to join?
Please let us know what your thoughts are. You are reaching out because you need help, and that's a HUGE step. Professional help, groups, and church will all help you go back into a world where you feel you've been left alone in...I am sure you are a woman with lots to offer to our society.
Please keep in touch,
Rosa
November 6, 2011 - 4:27pmThis Comment
I stay in bed most of the time. I don't want to go out to groups. I read books and web. I live in MI. I believe in Spiritualism and there are only 3 churches in MI, none close to my home. Churches do not welcome my beliefs and the last thing I need is a sermon. My husband's PCP (I do not have one) contacted me and prescribed Celexa antidepressant but it's been nearly a month and nothing. I prefer alternative to pharma. I have always had insomnia but now it is much worse. Please don't tell me to exercise for endorphins and stuff of that nature. I had to go to the bank and it was horrendous. I gave them my husband's cards and watched as they erased him from the computer. It was just like losing him all over again and I could not wait to get home. The loss of my daughter by suicide torments me and probably will forever. I miss her and my husband beyond belief and never dreamed a peerson could cry as much as I do. I look forward to being with them. There is nothing here for me because I really don't want it. I am 71 and have not lived a sheltered life. This was my 3rd marriage and I was finally blessed with a good man. Losing my daughter brought sounds from my body I didn't know existed. I sounded like a wounded animal which is what I am.
November 11, 2011 - 2:06pmThis Comment
Given that you losses have been so recent, you pain is bigger than this world... and I hope that in your books you find that these intense feelings of sadness make you human.
You don't need medication if you don't want it, but you need to have the will to live, which I'm afraid will be hard to pull out of. Right now you feel like you want to be with them, like nothing in this world could make it better. With a little bit of will and being open to sharing your feelings with not only us, but others in support groups-- you will realize that you are not alone. You are NOT alone. I live hundreds of miles away from you, and I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling. But as a mother, daughter, and wife--I can certainly empathize. If you honestly feel like right now you need to grieve on your own, I understand and respect your feelings. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man-- and if you would like to share stories about him and your daughter, please feel free to use this as your platform-- it may help to talk about them.
If you change your mind now or later about support groups or even consider a spiritual retreat...use these links for more information:
http://www.newhopecenter.net/
http://www.seekaretreat.com/events/michigan.html
You are in my thoughts,
Rosa
November 12, 2011 - 11:41amThis Comment
You're not the only one left!!!
November 6, 2011 - 3:24pmI promise.
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