Recently my husband left me and my children and move in aith his mother, he is very dependent on her and he puts his mother before any and everybody, including my children, when i decided to take a stand and tell him he was wrong, he got very defensive, even when i tell him that his mother is too needy he gets mad and looks as if he wants to cry. So I told him me or his mother (so of course he choose her) now Im left with bills, kids and alot of hurt, while his mother is using him to her advantage, to cook, clean and walk her dogs, im in so much pain. My heart hurts, how can my husband of 6 years walk out on me,. Not to mention he did 6 years in jail, and of course I waited for him. How do I move on and heal. Im in such a depressed state that I just lye in my room for days, questioning "why me" I wouldnt wish heartache on no one. I pray alot but Im not getting any better. Please help
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Hi again Anon - It sounds like you have been spending your time talking and trying to process the hurt, and have gotten stuck. It doesn't do any good to have a therapist if you don't let them help you. I would suggest going back and asking how you can get "unstuck" and move on with your life. It's not going to do you any good to keep going over your story and your hurt over and over again. You, and your kids, deserve to be happy and have a good life, so ask for the help you need to get that and focus on YOU instead of on the past. I'm not being mean, I just hate to see you continue to be stuck like this and be in pain.
Take care,
Pat
September 10, 2014 - 6:52pmThis Comment
Thanks for yhe advice, i really am a nice person and a good mother, im just in a rough time in my life. But I will try my best to take your advice
September 10, 2014 - 6:58pmThis Comment
Hi Anon - You've been through a lot, haven't you? It's understandable that you would feel hurt and want to seek refuge by hiding in your room for days at a time. But you must know that these actions aren't helping you or your children in dealing with your husband's actions.
You are right in thinking that you need help, someone you can trust who you can talk to and get out your feelings and figure out way to rebuild your life and the lives of your children. Someone with professional training would be the most helpful - a counselor, psychologist, family doctor, pastor or someone else. If you are clinically depressed you may need medication for a period of time. No matter what, you need to start moving forward, both figuratively and literally, as in getting up each and every day to attend to your ongoing responsibilities and not staying in bed.
If you feel your situation is so hopeless that you might take your own life, The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day. Please call 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org for more information or someone to talk to.
You asked how you could move on and heal. The first step is to recognize that you're in pain and need help from others to go forward. You've already done that by writing to EmpowHER! The next step is to reach out to find resources in your own community who can help you go further.
Best,
Pat
September 10, 2014 - 6:20pmThis Comment
Thank you, and I have talked to friends but after months of crying to them they tend to stop wanting to listen, i dont want to borden then, because some honestly think I just want sympothy, and I dont, I struggle everyday to even focus on normal life, I kno I will get threw it but this is a hard battle. It is wearing me down. I have called prayer lines and the help line that you've mentioned but once they are off the phone, im all alone again. I hate him for abandoning me but I still need to move forward. My therapist thinks Im better because I stop going to see her but actually Im worst. I just dont like bringing up the hurt so I stopped going to avoid theconstant reminder that Im driving myself crazy. Im glad I found this group
September 10, 2014 - 6:35pmThis Comment