It's normal to feel like you are getting dragged through the mud for months (or even years) when fighting during or after a divorce. Couples can continue fighting over everything, wondering if this nightmare will ever end.
When the truculence grows, we have to try to figure out how to approach the situation and save our nerves and mind. We should learn to approach the quarrelling wisely. It is crucial to understand what to fight about and what not to fight over. This can be tricky but here are some recommendations that will help you to cope with these battles with less pain.
Admit that you cannot avoid it for a while
Divorce is a stressful and messy business that plays with your emotions. Of course, you wouldn’t wish this on your worst enemy, but don’t kick yourself if you feel frustrated about the split. If you feel confused and depressed, it is because you are human.
You cannot avoid the battles, but it is crucial to remember that you will go through this period, and that some day it will eventually end.
Nobody is a winner
Naturally, people see a divorce as a battle between “one person and another”, where the opposite sides have to fight until they get their way. Some lawyers encourage their clients to continue fighting until they get total control over the situation. This trap is easy to fall into, but is that what you really need?
You have to remember that this will cost you and your children additional stress and possibly prolong the entire process. Your aim is to move on and save your emotional health.
Fight only over things you cannot live without
Every divorce situation is different, and each person should figure out what is worth emotional energy and time to fight over. These questions usually include child support, savings, alimony, division of debt, protection orders, etc. However, you should remember that not everything is something you need.
What do my children and I need to stay safe and comfortable?
Start with banal needs such as those at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Stay honest with yourself and focus on the things that you need to make ends meet. It’s okay if you need material support or temporary housing. But your needs do not necessarily include that barbecue grill you always liked.
Ask yourself if you are fighting because you are hurt and angry
Anger makes people project negative feelings onto others, especially when you feel hurt because your spouse initiated the divorce. But remember that these negative feelings will get back to you, and this can last for a long time. Your lawyer will instruct you on how to make your ex-husband pay for some things, but will it remove the hurt he has caused?
On the other hand, you cannot control the actions of your spouse during the divorce, but you can act rationally. The smoother the process goes, the faster you will heal your wounds.
About the Author: Liz Taylor is a UK-based writer and lifestyle blogger. She is interested in health, family relations and psychology. Currently, Liz works as a writer at http://24writer.com/.
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