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Hi Ladies~
September 28, 2009 - 10:16amI thought I'd push through my 'shame' and write an update to EmpowHer. I started smoking again 2 weeks ago. I am disgusted with this habit yet feel a slave to it. I will be looking around this site for other women's stories, for I realize that relapse is very common, and I need all the uplifting words I can get.
I don't remember if there was a concrete trigger that pushed me back to smoking, yet I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind,that I was going to light up. God, addiction is insidious.
Thanks for your thoughts,
Laurel
This Comment
Hi Alysiak,
September 2, 2009 - 7:53pmIt seems that your DH has plenty of experience with the horrors of smoking already with his loved ones. I lost my father in 1965 of lung cancer and my mother in 1988 of lymphoma, and she was a life-time smoker, so the addictive gene is definitely there for me.
Now if you've been married for 30 years, I am assuming he's been smoking for a good while...is it affecting his health? I coughed so terribly I was sure I had lung damage, but was told none is detectable in my recent tests prior to surgery. I am so very lucky. So, so lucky....
Perhaps you two can try to make a habit of walking together since it seemed to be such a pleasant experience for him. And strolls with your man can't hurt your relationship! :o) I have found myself walking more since I quit, and since I am suggesting this to you, maybe I'll ask my DH to join me.
I know that this must be terribly frustrating for you, especially as a wife and as a runner, but this is an insidious addiction that wreaks havoc on reason. Some of the world's most amazingly brilliant people have been smokers, cigarettes are that powerful.
Well, keep in touch if you'd like, we can write here whenever we feel the need!
Take care, my new friend,
Laurel
This Comment
Alysiak, thanks for stopping by to comment on my story. I feel so badly for your 'DH'-husband?-being fearful of the smoking aids. Can you tell me why he has to use them? I'm not a doctor or anything, but I feel for your situation and I'd love to help.
September 2, 2009 - 5:58pmIf nothing else has worked-'will-power', gum, patches...well, I wish I knew of his situation a little more. Smoking aids like Chantix have had some bad press recently, and I have never known anyone who used them. Honestly, Alysiak, I wouldn't push him too hard to use the prescription, it sounds like he's anxious about taking it, and that's about the last thing you need when trying to quit smoking cigarettes, more anxiety!
I was so lucky when I quit, but nothing is ever certain, so I have to be very careful, too.
One thing I read in some of the NICA (Nicotine Anonymous) literature is that quitting is really not as hard as we think it is going to be. In other words, as smokers we tend to think in absolutes, that quitting is impossible. Not true!
I had to use a nicotine patch (21mg) for about 3 weeks, though. I could not have made it without the nicotine replacement. Maybe he can try one of these 'aids' instead. The gum hurt my jaws...really! :o)
Please write back if you'd like, I'd sure like to hear from you...
Laurel
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Hi, Laurel:
Yes, "DH" = dear hubby, to whom I've been married over 30 years. He was with his mom when she died of lung cancer (smoking), and also buried his best friend (lung cancer, smoking). His older brother (a pharmacist) and SIL quit smoking and have tried to encourage my DH to do the same.
DH was prescribed a patch several years ago, but had a frightening adverse reaction that nearly sent him to hospital. Our dentist wrote the script for Chantix a few months ago and said it should be fine. DH said he's trying to quit on his own, but admits his willpower is very weak.
I'm a marathoner. He used to be a track star. His exercise these days is either watching me return from a long run or riding the lawn tractor around our yard. He did, however, take a 3-mile walk back from our dentist's office a couple of weeks ago and said it felt great. Home on vacation for the next 2 weeks, I'm hoping he'll take at least a walk around the block every day; it's easier to make excuses not to.
Rather than my "nagging" at him (never works), I ask him how he did during the day. He'll say either well or not so well, using work as an excuse (he has been working from home versus heavily traveling). The bottom line is that it's HIS habit and he has to make the decision to quit.
We don't have anyone nearby who could be a support or quitting buddy, as none of our friends are smokers. So, he's a bit out there on his own. I think support helps, especially for some people who aren't that disciplined.
But, he does have a new, good reason to quit: we're going to be first-time grandparents next Feb, and I said it would be great to see our grandson grow up - together.
Nicotine is a very difficult drug to resist. I applaud you for slaying that dragon.
September 2, 2009 - 6:30pmThis Comment
Congratulations, Laurel! Welcome to the land of the smoke-free-living.
You've done something far too many people find so very difficult, including my own DH. It took him weeks just to pick up his prescription for a quit smoking aid with so many negative side effects that he's absolutely scared to take it. Whatever the reason for quitting, or not, is so individual.
You are a winner!
September 2, 2009 - 5:18pmThis Comment
Wow, Ladies!
September 2, 2009 - 4:28pmMichelle, Rosa and Diane~what a welcoming group of women you are! I am so blessed to be here, and would like to take a little time to share with you my experience over the last couple of weeks. I think my personal "quit" has some uncommon aspects, so I will try to describe the process as best as I can.
I told EmpowHer that I took up smoking an awful long time ago, right? Of course I did (:o)), and I remember the circumstances surrounding my first cigarette as I am sure many smokers do.
I began smoking when in high school in order to fit in with my pals. Plain and simple. I attended an all-girl's boarding school in Palo Alto, California in the early 70's, living on campus for four years. Needless to say there was alot of 'sneaking around' by us boarders to commit various offenses, and smoking was very high on the list. Actually I remember smoking my very first cigarette while in the Study Hall restroom, standing on a toilet seat. I was with another girl, blowing the smoke into the air vent so that the study proctor wouldn't smell it. We got away with it that day, and my smoking career began.
The important thing was not the actual smoking that day, of course not. I doubt that I was actually addicted to nicotine after that very first cigarette. But I was with a friend defying authority. We performed a very symbolic act together that day and boy did I get hooked on that!
I had always been a lonely sort of child, I had no siblings and was quite awkward growing up. When I was sent away to boarding school, then, I was desperate to fit in somewhere. It took only a couple of months and I found smoking cigarettes to be a sure way to make friends. At least I could depend on company when sneaking cigarettes on campus, and we met in those out-of-the-way places often.
Now as an adult I see the process much more clearly, but it doesn't make the whole thing any less tragic. I wasted so many years being a slave to tobacco I am almost ashamed to admit it. But that is the nature of nicotine addiction. I missed many chances to interact with family and friends because if I came along, I would be unable to smoke. I turned down many invitations to events simply because they were touted as 'non-smoking' affairs.
But then back in May of this year I found out that I had to have one of my hips surgically replaced. I am not lying when I report here that my first thought was disappointment because I knew that smoking is prohibited in hospitals! How hopelessly addicted can you possibly get?
Now in order to have the procedure performed, I learned that a patient must be 'tobacco-free' for at least 6 weeks. What? I didn't sign up for that! This is required so that the body can heal properly and thoroughly. Well, I thought, it's still a long way off, so I'll think about THAT later. My procedure was scheduled for July 29, so I didn't have to quit until the week of June 15. Over a month...no problem.
Now avoidance is my personal favorite when it comes to ways to deal with stress. Denial, too. I will do almost anything other than whatever it is I am supposed to do. If I have a paper to write, let's say, I can polish silver and dust the entire house if I have the least bit of anxiety brewing over that paper and its composition. So with avoidance and denial firmly in place, I forgot all about the smoking rule, at least consciously.
I am a stay-at-home housewife/writer living in the Eastern Sierra small town of Bishop, California. I am 52 and live with Anthony, my husband of 21 years and 7 dogs and cats. We live a fairly uneventful life, so news of my impending surgery threw us to some extent. I had to deal with the fact of the operation even though I was not considering quitting smoking at all.
I don't really know the exact way this happened, but I was on the Internet far into the night of June 9th, a long Tuesday, unable to sleep.
It simply dawned on me that it just might be a good idea to quit smoking. This was at 5:30 am on Wednesday the 10th.
I am not being facetious here, that was the thought that came into my head. So. I stood up from my computer chair and began gathering up my smoking paraphernalia bit by bit. I rounded up all the cigarettes, ash trays, lighters and matches that I could see in the living room and put them all in my attached garage. I made a number of trips to the garage without making a big production out of it, as my mother used to say-it was really no big deal-I was just doing what was necessary. I did however make a point out of not throwing any of this stuff away.
In what I believe now to be a stroke of sub-conscious intelligence, I kept all of it available to myself in the garage in order not to feel threatened by the very lack of cigarettes. My sub-conscious mind knew what I needed in order to be successful. The very fact that I kept everything there yet just a bit inconvenient made the act of smoking unappealing, but not impossible. The garage is only just off my kitchen, so it isn't far, but it is a garage, for Pete's sake, and I don't enjoy going in there all that much.
But the 'brilliance' of the plan rested in the fact that it was all still there, only a few steps away. I didn't have to dig through the garbage to get at it had I changed my mind. I think I was playing a game with myself; Ok, I can smoke any time that I choose, but hey, Laurel, it's already been 3 hours, so why not try for 4?
Now I can't express how important I think it was for me to have all that junk out of sight. I know that was crucial. I felt comforted by the fact that they were exactly where I put them and that nobody had to even know about this little experiment, not even my husband. It was my little private game with myself, just a game.
I think that I consider my 'quit' unique because I did not consciously choose to quit smoking. I mean that. There was no time that I decided I had had enough. I am not a religious woman but believe quitting cigarettes to be a spiritual transformation in my life. When I began putting those 'smoker's toys' away, I felt what I can only describe as a warm blanket covering me from behind, keeping me safe and warm. I felt my Higher Power within taking over my actions.
I will leave it to the psychologists and theologians to debate what happened here, but I do feel something larger than myself intervened when I needed it, with only a week to spare.
The difficult part is now, of course, since the novel nature of being a non-smoker is beginning to wear off, and new stressors appear every day, as, of course, they always did!
So I am an avid reader of uplifting and spiritual stories these days, when I disregarded such things before. I am also now a member of NICA here in Bishop, looking forward to our weekly meetings.
Relapse is always a concern, but I am learning to think like 'a winner' rather than a slave, and I am loving every minute!
Thanks,
Laurel Rogers
This Comment
Laurel, what a great story. I really enjoyed reading it. I could almost feel your emotions as you re-created what you were feeling in those weeks.
One of my friends quit smoking two years ago after about 35 years of being a smoker. She was in the same boat you were. And after the "novelty" wore off, as you said, she found herself having a tough time again. She read an article that explained it in a way that made total sense to her. From the moment a person starts using smoking as a coping mechanism, part of their ability to cope stops developing. In other words, if smoking becomes something that helps you cope starting at age 15, part of your coping skills remain stuck at age 15. You didn't develop them past that point. So what you are doing now is learning new coping skills. You're moving forward psychologically as well as physically, and there's bound to be some discomfort in that.
The good news is, at this age we learn quick!! The more days you go without cigarettes, the less your mind sees that as one of its tools to use.
I love that you say that you are learning to think like a winner rather than a slave. That's inspiring!!! And what a champ you are for joining Nicotine Anonymous!
For others who are interested, here's a link: http://www.nicotine-anonymous.org/
Tell them Laurel sent you!!! =)
September 3, 2009 - 8:49amThis Comment
Hi, Laurel, and wow!!!
You are so awesome for quitting smoking. I know that each day has been a challenge all on its own and you have risen to the challenge and kept going. That's huge!!
After 38 years, the fact that you decided to finally do it -- and that you succeeded -- will inspire a lot of other people to know they can do it too.
You've done so many good things for yourself -- quitting smoking is the No. 1 thing anyone can do to improve their health on a number of fronts. Here are some facts about the benefits of stopping smoking, from tobaccofacts.org:
After 8 hours:
* Carbon monoxide in your body drops.
* Oxygen level in your blood increases to normal.
After 2 days:
* Your sense of smell and taste will improve. You will enjoy your food more.
* Your risk of heart attack begins to decrease.
After 3 – 4 days:
* Bronchial tubes relax and your lung capacity will have increased, making breathing easier.
After 2 weeks:
* Blood flow improves; nicotine has passed from your body.
Within 2 weeks to 3 months:
* Circulation will improve, making walking and running easier; lung functioning increases up to 30%.
Within 6 to 9 months:
* You’ll experience less coughing, sinus congestion, tiredness and shortness of breath.
After 1 year:
* Your risk of heart disease will be about half of what it would have been if you continued to smoke.
After 5 years:
* Your risk of stroke will be substantially reduced; within 5 to 15 years after quitting, it becomes about the same as a non-smokers.
After 10 years:
* Your risk of dying from lung cancer will be about half of what it would have been if you had continued to smoke.
* Your risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, kidney, and pancreas will also decrease.
Within 15 years:
* Your risk of dying from a heart attack is equal to a person who never smoked.
That should make you feel great all over again! Congratulations!!
September 2, 2009 - 7:45amThis Comment
Diane, you're a doll!
September 2, 2009 - 5:27pmThanks for writing all those milestones down in black and white! You know I did see a poster that listed those things not too long after I quit but I forgot where...Now I have them from you!
And even though I feel joyous at all the good results on the list, I can't help but feel sorrow at the fact that my poor body has to work so very hard just to return to normal. It is tragic.
But I am happy right now, boy!
Thanks again,
Laurel
This Comment
Welcome to EmpowHer!
Congratulations on beating Nicotine :-) Based on my husband's unfortunate smoking habits, I must commend you for quitting. I know it's a very hard and arduous process. Please do post more about what steps you took to quit, I am sure many EmpowHer readers would love to know how they can do it too.
Thanks Laurel
September 2, 2009 - 5:35amThis Comment