If you're infertile, the octuplets story is hard to hear about
February 4, 2009 - 11:27am
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Like many couples, my husband and I have tried to have children for a while now. We have not done in-vitro fertilization, because of the cost, but we may try. However, it's been really hard to see the coverage of the mother
who had six children already and has just had octuplets after another visit to a fertility doctor and IVF treatment.
The woman's name, mother's name and details about her life have been made public; why has there been no mention of the doctor or clinic that was involved? Especially since most doctors who have been interviewed have said that they would never implant eight embryos, for ethical and health reasons.
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Hi Anne
I can imagine that it is quite difficult to read about this.
The criticism of this woman is gaining momentum although people need to be careful with what they are criticizing - the way she went about having so many babies, or her decision to bring all to term, rather than selective reduction, because for some, selective reduction is not a "choice" that they are willing to make, even if it means the risks are greater. And a person should be allowed to make the choice to bring all babies to term - choice works both ways!
As more and more of her story emerges, so does a troubling pattern. When one believes that "the more the merrier" applies, quite frankly, I applaud that! However, only when the parents are able to nurture each and every child, and is able to provide a loving, clean, stable and supportive home for all.
It is difficult to understand how 14 children under the age of 8 are all going to receive this. There is no father for the children and the mother has been termed as "obsessive" in matters of having children. I had 3 babies in 2.5 years and I still worry that all three get equal attention, not to mention the expense of children. So I'm at a loss on 14 children under the age of 8! This woman will need an enormous support system. I hope she has it.
Equally troubling are the rumblings of reality shows and million dollar interviews and "exclusives". These are precious children, not commodities. The grandmother has said that various offers are being reviewed by the mother and she is hoping for bids of $2+ million. I hope this is not true.
We seem to have become obsessed with families of multiples. Discovery Health have several "reality" shows based on either enormous families or families of multiples. We should not be so influenced by these shows that we run out and have tons of kids in order to get our own spot in the limelight!
The reality is that large families are very difficult and expensive to operate.
Again, it's we adults who have all the choices. Not the children. Everything needs to be in the best interests of these 14 children and I hope this woman and her family keeps this entire issue private and under the radar. This is not a novelty or some kind of freak show. These are 14 innocent human beings who need and deserve a private childhood where their interests and care come first.
Anne, I agree with you that there are ethical issues here and my heart goes out to anyone who dreams of a baby and is finding it difficult. I can understand how hard it must be to hear about this story and the enormous publicity that it is surrounded by.
If you do try IVF I wish you the best and hope you have a baby in your arms as soon as possible.
Personally, I think this story is crazy. Whatever clinic allowed 8 embryos to be placed in this woman needs serious supervision. I'm hoping that this will cause some industry-wide rules or standards to be put into place. This should absolutely not be allowed. Women aren't even built to carry twins, let alone 8 babies. We're meant to have one baby at a time. When multiples are involved, you have all kinds of risks involved that people rarely know about. In this woman's situation, I find it hard to believe that her mom or someone close to her didn't try to stop her or get her in counseling. I really feel for her six kids who now most likely will not get any attention from her at all.
I just sent this link to a friend, who has very strong opinions on IVF protocols. I'm hoping she'll come on and post.
One has to wonder why? Why this mother was OK with having so many babies at once? And then when we find out she's a single mother of 6 children already. You really can't help but wonder why.
Well, this morning I got a little bit more insight. I caught just a glimpse of the upcoming interview with the mother and Ann on Mondays, NBC's Today show.
The mother talks about her childhood and having no one. She talks about how lonely she felt. That's all I caught, but it was enough to intrigue me to want to watch Monday's show. I really want to understand more about her. Why she chose to bring 8 more children into a household with a family of 7, already?
It's not my place to judge and I'm not. It does make me think however, as a women's health care advocate, maybe we should have something on our site that helps women assess decisions like this before making them??
Would that be helpful information for us to have on EmpowHer?
If there were a site like EmpowHer, when I was sick - a place where I could have assessed the pros and cons of my hysterctomy, talked to other women and had experts to help explain things to me - I probably would not have had the surgery.
Thoughts??
Best in health,
M