Friday, April 11, 2008
My Son The Patriotic Gay Right Defender
It’s Friday. It’s Friday. It’s Friday (imagine me singing this while doing a little jig.) I get to not do homework with kids tonight. I get to not make sure kids are well fed and in bed (truly I could care less what time they fall asleep on the weekends.) I get to not prepare lunches for tomorrow and I get to have a glass of wine with M and read my new book until the wee hours of the morning…..then I get to sleep in….ahhhh
It was Wednesday night and I heard Sam speaking on the phone. His voice was loud and at first I thought that he was angry, but once I found which room he was in and could see him I saw that he was desperate and frustrated. Long story, less long…Sam has befriended a boy in his grade who is gay. It seems this boy was being taunted by some older kids and feeling really depressed. Sam and his group of buddy’s (the football team no less, which makes this tale even more interesting) were on a conference call planning a strategy to get the bully’s off this boys back… Oh Boy. This is not easy! This is not in the “how to mother” handbook. So I will tell you how I handled it and you can tell me what a good or bad job I did.
I first went to explain the situation to M and make sure that we were in complete agreement with our mutual feelings. M and I then sat with Sam and told him that he can not save this boy from all of his future struggles (it’s not his job, his job is to become Sam), but we would allow him and his friends to STRONGLY, without any actual violence, suggest to the bullies that they lay off the poor kid. I then went and called all of the other parents to make sure they agreed….and surprisingly, they did.
So today was the day of the confrontation and I am waiting for Sam to get back from lacrosse practice. I am anxious with anticipation.
I realize that there are a lot of people out there that may feel that I should have turned the whole thing over to the school officials, and in most circumstances I would agree, but in this case, the boy was already receiving special services and the taunting was sneaky. It would just be a he said she said situation.
So that’s the news for today.
heck out my blog
http://averyopenbook.blogspot.com/
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Add a Comment4 Comments
Hi - Thanks for the interesting story. I would point out that your son's decision to stand up to injustice and to help a more vulnerable person show's that he's already doing a good job of becoming Sam. Bravo. Can't wait to hear how it ends.
- Gord from Toronto
April 14, 2008 - 5:08amThis Comment
It's always interested to me to live & learn through other people's experiences.
Thank you,
-Todd
April 13, 2008 - 11:35amThis Comment
I think this sounds wonderful! Granted, I'm not sure what the kids and other parents "agreed to", but the part I am applauding is the kids helping each other out, and not taking it to the school authorities. There are enough adults involved that if the situation did become violent, it could be quickly brought to the attention of the appropriate officials.
I believe our society does not do enough to help prevent abuse (whether verbal or physical), to redirect bullies and simply stand up to help others. We have all been in situations where we were made fun of or put down for being a minority or otherwise made to feel that we don't fit in.
Your son, and his friends, sound like they are doing the most difficult thing---which is exactly why many of us adults don't do it---they are Saying Something! Too many of us have ignored bullies and resorted to "Bystander Behavior". We can all be catalysts for change and make a difference in this world---it is all of our responsibility to stand up for what's right.
There has been so many incidences of school violence (high school and college), that it makes you wonder: if a group of peers had helped to stand up to the bullies, helped the "outsider" feel welcome, and/or had Said Something to other adults...would more of the violence have been prevented? Would the bullies find other ways to express their anger? Would the child being bullied have gained self-esteem and some friends along the way?
We won't know the answers to these questions; it's impossible to know what was prevented. But, I think your son and his friends helping one of their peers in a respectful and assertive manner is good for all of us to learn from.
Please tell us what happened!
April 12, 2008 - 1:15pmThis Comment
I am a forty year old stay at home mom and a vegetarian tree hugger who also likes the finer things in life. My world consists of some philanthropic volunteer work, four funny children, one awesome husband, two crazy families, many animals, much heartbreak, lots of laughs, a few underutilized college degrees and a deep need to share it all.
Oh and secondary infertility, a hysterectomy and anxiety disorder
April 12, 2008 - 5:33amcheck out my blog to see how I have found the bright side.
http://averyopenbook.blogspot.com/
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