share: Sex Addiction

Reading this article really hit home. I am a divorced woman of a sexual addict. Actually most of my previous relationships tended to be men with some kind of addiction.

I definitely believe that there is such thing as a sexual addict. I don't know what makes them tick but I know from experience it does exist. Needless to say, he sat me down and told me what he was experiencing and the choice was mine to stay or leave. I left.

He has since left this world but he shared with me his feelings about woman. Woman to him were expendable sexually. He had pornography, the Internet (although the Internet was pretty new at the time), videos, the sex stores, girlie clubs.....the list goes on and on.
To him, it wasn't emotional it was completely physical. He was not the mean guy, he was the guy that any woman would fall in love with. The nice sensitive type, putting YOU as number one.

I think any addiction characteristic is the same. I, myself, am a work-a-holic. I can admit that and it does cause issues in relationships because people think I am CRAZY. I do it because it is in my nature to work hard and play harder. It has it's ups and downs.

I am glad you had this post, it feels good to talk about it.

Thank you for sharing such personal information, as it is helpful to hear that it is something that a person can be aware of, and also difficult to change the behavior.

I would be interested in hearing more about your story, as it is difficult to understand for those of us who are not going through it.

Is being "addicted to porn" and having multiple sexual relationships outside of a committed relationship two behaviors that usually occur together?

Does the porn or other relationships offer something that your committed relationship does not? (my assumption, based on your "current arrangement"). Is there a committed relationship that could offer you all that you need, or is your addiction something that can not be filled?

Have you tried to seek help, or tried stopping on your own? What do you know about porn addiction (have you read about it, and possible causes or solutions?)

Thanks! I hope you don't mind all of these personal questions, I really want to learn more about this!

I wonder what the statistics are of women addicted to sex and porn, compared to men?

Personally, I think we can thank Hugh Heffner and Larry Flynt for helping to perpetuate a sickness in our society. My spouse calls his obsession with 5" heels, trashy photos and "toys" his fetishes. They go way beyond fetish and it has gotten to the point at which I'm so completely turned off by him that I couldn't care less about intimacy. That's really sad, and frustrating that he's in such denial about his addictions - and there are a few!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's heartbreaking to read, especially as you are a newlywed.

You are doing the right thing by getting counseling and please remember to get yourself tested for sexually transmitted diseases, as condoms do not protect against all infections and I also hope your husband's behaviors do not lead to serious legal consequences that could affect you too.

Do you have children together? If not, my advice is to keep it that way. Children don't belong in this current scenario. Please stay strong and make yourself number one. If you are not happy and healthy, no relationship will work. Your marriage is very important, as is your husband's recovery - but you need to become well too. My thoughts are with you.

Please keep us updated.

Janis,thanks for your brave post. If you read some of the other comments, you can see you are not alone although most women who posted here are dealing with partners who are addicted to sex. Maybe you feel alone because you are a woman with the problem and you think that's rare? Or weird?

You mentioned that you don't feel it's a problem in some aspects but end with saying your house is suffering and you personally suffer tremendous guilt. There is no need to feel guilt because you look at sex online or watch movies. This is only harmful if it hurts you or others and I'm wondering why you feel it's hurting you. Is it because it's such a solo activity? That there is no human contact or communication - that it's just you and the screen? Because I understand why you would feel empty and alone. Fantasy can't compete with genuine human contact and affection.

You're not a dirty old lady. I think you have substituted fantasy for reality and it makes you feel guilty and alone. But you are not alone- not where this problem is concerned.

Here is an indepth article for you regarding sexual addiction in females

http://www.sexualwholeness.com/isw/resources/7093/Farree2001.pdf

And here is a Q and A session regarding sex addiction, it may help clarify things for you. One of the questions deals specifically with a woman acting out sexually online.

http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/faq.php

Janis, sexual problems have long been considered male-oriented because it was considered crude for women to even talk about sex, nevermind have a problem with it. Sex is an equal opportunity subject and just like any kind of equality, it's great for both sexes but both sexes also experience problems in this area. You are very normal in this aspect.

I am wondering about your social life. Do you have a good social life? Close friends or family? What do you do with your time when not working?

Please keep us posted, Janis!

janis62,

I really appreciate your honesty about this subject. Coming from a bad marriage where things were pretty grim for a while, I can see a totally different side to the addiction from your story.

It is really hard being the person on the other side of this picture but you really shed some light on the other side of the addiction.

I personally wanted to thank you for opening my eyes on the subject. You are certainly not alone.