My doctor calls it “a flare up”. I call it a nightmare. I’ve spent the last two weeks wondering whether or not I should go to the emergency room.
I’ve learned to deal with the usual symptoms; pressure in the chest, extreme fatigue and the stomachache. That’s everyday stuff – the stuff I wake up to. It’s when the unusual symptoms begin that I get a little nervous; things like intense dizzy spells and shoulder pain.
So I wait. I figure if it doesn’t go away in a day or two, I’ll call my doctor. Two days pass and I still feel ‘schmoopy’ (my husbands loving description of what I look like on the outside when my heart gives me grief). Here is where my head was this week: “Is this it? Am I finally having a heart attack? Will I spend the evening in the ER? Maybe they’ll have to do a 12 lead EKG…did I shave my legs today?”
The symptoms remain the same, however, because of the overwhelming worry, I wonder what’s worse - having heart disease or the fear of dying from heart disease.
A Never Ending Cycle
It’s a unique situation to be in, one in which it’s best to keep things in perspective. Those of us in this position know when the symptoms are manageable and when something just isn’t right. While the management of a chronic illness carries enough stress in and of itself, it’s not as bad as the panic caused by the relapses.
Don’t Panic
Apparently this heart disease isn’t going away so perhaps what I need to do now is focus on getting the emotional aspect of it in check. The unknown is a scary thing. However, worrying about it won’t change it, right? Instead, I’ll focus on the things I can control; like medication and eating habits and exercise. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d better go shave my legs.
Rebecca Fortunato
http://rebeccasheart.wordpress.com/
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Hi Rebecca - I love the way you're able to combine a very serious message with humor. Thanks so much!
As someone living with cancer I can relate to what you've said about the worry and stress and not knowing if a change in your body is a cause for alarm or another sign of the disease. One of the things that I've found helpful is talking with a friend, my own age, who went through this before me. It's so wonderful to be able to describe symptoms to her and have her know exactly what I mean - I don't even have to explain the strange nicknames I give things which is like your husband's use of "schmoopy." It took seven months before I met someone my own age to talk to and it's made a real difference. Perhaps if you had another young woman to talk with who's had your same heart problems it would help ease some of your concerns and make life sweeter. She may even have some good ideas on how best to shave your legs! :-)
April 22, 2010 - 5:33pmTake care, Pat
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