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This is so funny that you brought this up. I felt the exact same way you did, and I was also 31 (just a few years ago). My mom had me when she was 30; my sister when she was 32 (which was "ancient" back in "those days"!). So, I figured I would be "late" with the whole wanting-a-baby-thing, too.

Well, I'm here to say, that as a mother of a 21-month old toddler, I never felt the "urge" or heard the "tick tock" to have a child. I knew that I cognitively wanted children in my future life, but never emotionally wanted to be a mother. I had an awesome career at the time, moving up the "ladder", my husband was the one with the biological clock ticking (he is 11 years older than I am).

I just started thinking about having a baby in a logical way, and had told my husband when we got married my ideal criteria: I wanted to be married for 2 years, wanted a house, wanted to be in my new position for 2 years, wanted to have saved x amount of money, etc. Then, the dreaded "talk" came from my husband: "Dear, all of your criteria has been met!" (well, except for the "saving money part"!). My response: crap!

My next move (read: purposeful delay), and the manner in which I learn best, is through reading books, so I thought that I needed to be sure this decision is "correct". I decided to (don't laugh!) buy five books, all related to: "when to know if you're ready to be a mom".

They were all awful! No one is ever really "ready" to be a mom, especially on the financial side, even if we had saved some money! I even asked my hubby to go to counseling with me (he did, for 8 sessions!), so that I could figure this out and know if I'm ready. I realized through counseling that the decision to have a baby (or not) is not "right" or "wrong"; I am not going to flunk a test if I choose the incorrect answer. I had to just think about what I wanted for my future, and I already knew the answer (I think?!). The counselor validated that I'm "OK" if I don't "feel" the "need" to have a baby.

I guess, in the end, I just realized that I was never going to have that emotional tug to want to have a baby, I never thought a baby would "complete" me or my life or anything. It was still all very matter-of-fact, machine-like: "I want a child in the future, and the only way to have a child in the future is to have a baby sometime in the NEAR future!"

So, long story short (ha), I made the only decision that I could at the time: I decided to NOT make a decision and just "fool myself" into thinking that by not taking my birth control pills that it may/may not happen. Well, happen "it" did only two months after my (and my husband's) non-decision.

So now, with a toddler running around, my entire life has changed and I can not imagine a life without my son in it. He is my entire world, and I love that! (I also love my independence still, don't get me wrong!) I also love my husband as a father; he is truly amazing.

I'm so glad you asked this question, as my husband and I are (again) starting the conversation of NOT making a decision for child number two. I won't be ready for a few more years (still trying to juggle one toddler is enough for me right now!), and I also know it will take me a few years to decide to not-decide and give "it" a try.

I still do not have any type of "biological clock" ticking for baby #2, even after knowing the amazing results and emotional richness of having a baby. I guess some women never do "find" their biological clock? Wonder if it has anything to do with women who pursue degrees and/or careers first?

I think Alison stole my post, as I feel the very same way!

I was 33 when I got pregnant with my first child and had him at 34. I was in no hurry, I never wanted children 'young', I really wanted to be in my 30s. But I never had that whole "I have to be married!" thing going either. I was more interested in living life, getting my degree, traveling and dating; the fun part of dating that is, not the whole serious/commitment part!

Like Alison, I can now not imagine life without my kids. I had all three in rapid succession but I know that is not for everyone. Had I waited for a year or so, I think I would have delayed it too much. For me, back-to-back was the way to go.

Since I too, never had that clock raging, here is how I knew I wanted kids. I asked myself...do you want kids? My answer was still a kind of weak and watery "ehh! some day..." and then I asked myself "can you see yourself at the age of 50 or 60, and childless" and for some reason I thought "no WAY!" That phrasing was what got me going.

I still think I'd feel complete (and all those other buzz words) without kids, because I wouldn't know the difference. But I knew that I didn't want to head into the second part of my adulthood without children.

I didn't think about it anymore. Thinking is dangerous for me! There are a million reasons not to have kids, from financial to freedom. I plunged right in and didn't lift my head up again for a few years. Now I have a brood of toddlers that make my day!

At the same time, I have to say that being a parent sometimes sucks. I could strive for other words of greater artistry but 'sucks' works too. Pregnancy, labor, c-sections, breastfeeding, working, not-working, money, marriage, travel, hormones, exhaustion, your body....remember that everything changes. Most for the better, some not so much. I won't sugar-coat parenting. It is the most rewarding thing a person can do, in my opinion. It's also the hardest and there are days you feel that it's draining, thankless and frustrating.

Don't listen to celebrities who twitter on about seeing the stars in the eyes of their babies. They can say that because they have nannies and housekeepers and chefs!

There will be days you look at your little darlings and feel like you landed in a pet store.

That's the 'real' reality of parenting. I love it, and wouldn't change it for the world. But it isn't easy. Do it because you really want it, not because you think you should or worry that you're not normal. Lots of people don't have kids and don't really want them and that's ok. They are a lot better than those parents who churn them out and don't love them or care for them.

Take your time, Cindy! You have plenty of time! And when you are ready, it'll happen. And if not, that'll be ok too, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders!

Thanks for your stories.....it sure helps knowing that I don't need to get new batteries for my clock.

Allison, I think you hit close to home when you said that women with degrees and career-minded mainly push the 'having a baby' thing off to the side and maybe things will change over the next couple years. I am really sad thinking I may never have the relationship with a child like I have with my own Mother. She is #1.

Susan, I love how you said, "Do it cause you want to and not because I feel like something is wrong with me." SO TRUE! I always felt like something was wrong with me when I saw commercials on TV about starving children and I wasn't really effected about it the way I was heart felt when I saw sad dogs and cats in a kennel that needed homes. Boy, I really thought I was in the 'DOG HOUSE'. Ok, bad humor.

I really appreciate you both sharing your stories. I definitely feel more at ease with the missing ticking time bomb...

Thanks for sharing your story. I wanted to comment on your post as well since my 7 year relationship was a deal breaker when it came to the kid question.

I am not sure if anyone is really ready for a life changing experience as having children. I have a neighbor that wants kids so bad, she tells her husband to lay down when she is ovulating. I think that takes the fun out of trying but I guess everyone has their own experiences.

Anyhow, I wanted to share with you that I had to leave my relationship since there was such turmoil about the question. Don't get me wrong there were other motives involved in the separation. I think for my next relationship, I will be sure that we are both on the same page when it comes to children or we may both be unsure if we want to have children and maybe make up our minds later.

I completely understand the turmoil about the question. There is one thing I do know though, that I would never change anything about the relationship I have with my Mother as I said before. There is such a bond there that no one can take the place of. I think if I chose not to have children, that would be my worst loss. Not to have what I have with my Mom.

Is it fear of the unknown? Is it the loss of freedom that we fear? The time consuming nature of having kids? The ability to go to the grocery store without a kid screaming? I have put a lot of thought into my biological clock and all the above scare me. I am completely afraid of the unknown although not so much about change. What would my life be like with a child? Hum!!!