I just recently found this website from googling "my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me anymore" and I really need some help & advice because I'm really confused and unsure what I can do about it so here's my story...
I'm 17 and have been going out with my 22 yr old boyfriend for about 6 months now. We live together and have a pretty good relationship other than our little sex life. At first he was really attracted to me and always came onto me, wanting to have sex but as the months went by I noticed a dramatic decrease in his sex drive toward me. He rarley ever comes onto me with a true passion to make love. I've asked him about it and at first he said it was mostly because he was so tired after working all day as a roofer which is understandable but he lost his job a few weeks ago and there's been no increase in his sex drive. Now it just feels like he only has sex with me because he feels like he has to. I want him to want to and not feel like he's obligated to. I don't understand why he never wants to. I knew him for awhile before we started dating and he was a pretty sexual guy. He seemed to be a very horny guy but he's never horny now. I feel like he's not sexually attracted to me or something. I don't know what else it could be. He says I'm very attractive and hot but his actions don't back that up. He says there's nothing wrong but I really don't believe that. There has to be something wrong if a 22 yr old guy never wants to have sex with his girlfriend. I just don't understand what the problem is or what's wrong with me. I really enjoy sex and really thrive for passionate love making and he knows that but unfortunately that hasn't changed nothing. And another thing I found out was that he was lookin up porn on the computer. He doesn't look it up a crazy amount or nothing but it was a complete shock to me that he was even intrested in it since we never have sex.
So I hope there's some one out there that can relate to my story and help me out.
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Hi Michelle,
Thank you for your post and welcome to EmpowHer. This is a tough question to answer because there can be an array of reasons as to why your boyfriend has a low sex drive. Many times the libido is affected by stress, exhaustion, lack of attraction, a health issue, or in a less than desired scenario-- cheating. The possibilities are endless-- some men require visual stimulation such as a sexy outfit to "get in the mood"...others have so many stressors in their lives that even the sexy outfit won't cut it. However, you mentioned that his roofing job was the reason why you had such little sex-- losing your job can be quite a major stress in a persons life, especially if you've got bills such as rent and utilities to pay. So, looking through his eyes yes he may no longer have that exhausting job to worry about, but now he's got an even bigger problem-- no income.
Try to understand him, have a conversation. 6 months is in fact a very little time to lose interest in sex but most couples don't face what you two are already facing with the living situation, income, etc. at 6 months time. This just may be a little more than he can handle. Good Luck
March 5, 2010 - 9:59amThis Comment
Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate your advice. I understand what your saying I guess it's just hard to wrap myself around the fact that he doesn't want to have sex. It's hard not to put myself down over it but I kno that's my own problem. I know he's stressed out, he says he is about a lot of things and I am too but I still enjoy sex. I wish there was an easy solution to this. But fortunately we don't have any bills or major expenses because we live at my parents house right now. Our relationship and living situation all happened real fast but it wasn't exactly planned out to be like this. 6 months ago he was living in an apartment with his ex girl of 2 years and had a car. There relationship wasn't what he truly wanted and he wasn't happy with it and me & him happened to hang out for the first time when this was goin on. He decided he wanted to be with me so he gave up his apartment and car that they shared to be with me and because of that had no where else to live so he started staying here a lot than ended up just moving in completly. Since I live with him it's hard to deal with this problem because I feel like it puts a strain on our relationship. My fear is that were not going to be as close because of it and it's makin me a lot more stressed and confused. I don't want it to turn into a bigger problem but it's really hard for me to accept it. 6 months is really fast to lose his sex drive as much as he did. I'm goin to do my best to understand where he's coming from and try and help him relieve so of his stress. But I'm gonna try and do my best to cope with it but if you have any other suggestions or advice please let me kno. Thank you so much for your time and sharing.
March 5, 2010 - 8:00pmThis Comment