My boyfriend, 20, was diagnosed with drug induced Hep yesterday. He has struggled with alcohol/Xanax abuse since he was 12 and in the past 3 years he's picked up a vicious cocaine habit. Mind you, we've been dating since we were in middle school, I've seen the changes in his behavior and mood. This past year, I have taken him to the at least twice hospital for cocaine over dose, after the last incident I left him and, stopped talking to him. I know he resents me for leaving him at this time (he says I abandoned him). Truthfully, I did what was best for myself and I don't regret it.
After a couple of months not speaking, his step dad passed away from a cocaine induced heart attack, he came directly to me for support. He's become even more apathetic and self loathing. My boyfriend was raised by this man, he was his father, he could not abandon him at a time of need. His mother refuses to give him ANY sort of support even before his step dad passed. She has never been a kind woman and was rarely faithful, she moved in with a "boyfriend" the minute she found out her husband was no longer in remission. (This where I think his sort of vendetta towards women steams from.)
We're only 20 years old, we're still children but, I find myself feeling like I'm the only one now that truly cares for him. My father also suffers from cirrhosis of the liver. This is really overwhelming for me because it's almost as if I'm foreseeing what my boyfriend's fate is. Sometimes feel resentful and angry sometimes toward him. I want to be able to articulate to him why I react a certain way my love for him is unconditional and I don't want him to hate me.
I don't pray or wish anymore, I'm not sure if I'm just jaded. I set an intentions, make chances and encourage healthy behavior. I feel like if anyone deserves to have a chance at happiness, it's those that have suffered the most that will really appreciate it. I'm not one to control his habits but I choose not to tolerate it. Recently, he has stopped using cocaine and he's tapering his daily Xanax but, I feel like he's compensating with the alcohol. Ultimately, even if I try to lead by example, he is the only one in control of his body. Today is a new day and with this new diagnosis, it's bound to change or influence the way he leads his life.
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