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Men More Likely than Women to Leave Sick Spouse

 
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When Anna received the dreaded call from her doctor in May 2008 that she had breast cancer she thought that was worst day of her life. She was wrong. Just a month later her husband of eleven years left home forever leaving Anna to care for their eight-year-old daughter and undergo treatment alone.

According to a new study published in the Nov. 15 issue of the journal Cancer, a woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient. The study examined the role gender played in so-called "partner abandonment." However, the study also found that the longer the marriage before diagnosis, the more likely it would remain intact.

A life-threatening illness creates severe stress in people's lives that may result in marital discord, separation, or divorce and may adversely impact treatment, quality of life and survival. About 11.6 percent of cancer patients experience partner abandonment after a diagnosis, about the same as the population as a whole. For Anna, the abandonment came out of the blue. “My husband just couldn’t live with the cancer diagnosis,” she said.

The study confirmed earlier research that the overall divorce or separation rate among cancer patients was similar to the population as a whole, meaning most marriages survived, but the researchers were surprised by the difference in separation and divorce rates by gender. When the woman was the patient, the rate was 20.8 percent compared to 2.9 percent when the man was the patient.

“Being a female was the strongest predictor of separation or divorce in each of the patient groups we studied," said Marc Chamberlain, M.D., a co-corresponding author and director of the neuro-oncology program at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and a professor of neurology and neurosurgery at the University of Washington School of Medicine. Michael Glanz, M.D., of the Huntsman Cancer Institute at the University of Utah School of Medicine is the other co-corresponding author.

Why men would abandon a sick spouse even if leaving could harm them can be partly explained by their lack of ability, compared to women, to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers to a sick partner and women's better ability to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family, the study authors said. Death and major life-threatening illnesses throw a wrench into a relationship and forces people to deal with things they hadn't thought about previously. This can be difficult for some people to accept.

Dr. Chamberlain said the study was initiated because doctors noticed that in their neuro-oncology practices, divorce occurred almost exclusively when the wife was the patient. To do the study, the researchers enrolled groups of patients with other cancers and with multiple sclerosis to separate the impact of cancer versus neurological disease. The results showed a stronger gender disparity for divorce when the wife was the patient in the general oncology and multiple sclerosis groups (93 percent and 96 percent respectively, compared to 78 percent for the primary brain tumor group).

The researchers also measured some health and quality of life outcomes among the patients who separated or divorced. They found when partner abandonment occurred, the quality of care and quality of life were, in fact, adversely impacted. These patients were more depressed, less likely to participate in clinical trials or to sign up for hospice services because this generally takes place at home. They were also more frequent hospitalized, but less likely to complete radiation therapy, according to the study.

Luckily for Anna, she was able to build a strong support system around her and her breast cancer is now in remission. She currently advocates for others facing cancer and enjoys a strong bond with her daughter forged through love and adversity.

The authors say medical providers should be especially sensitive to early suggestions of marital discord in cases where the woman has a life-altering medical illness. “Early identification and psychosocial intervention might reduce the frequency of divorce and separation and in turn improve the quality of life and quality care,” they wrote.

Study Method: Researchers at three medical centers – Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, Huntsman Cancer Institute at the University of Utah School of Medicine and Stanford University School of Medicine – enrolled a total of 515 patients in 2001 and 2002 and followed them until February 2006. The men and women were in three diagnostic groups: those with a malignant primary brain tumor (214 patients), those with a solid tumor with no central nervous system involvement (193 patients) and those with multiple sclerosis (108 patients). Women comprised 53 percent of the population.

A lot more women than you think areShare your story and find support.

Source: Gender disparity in the rate of partner abandonment in patients with serious medical illness. Cancer. 2009 Nov 15;115(22):5237-42. Michael J. Glantz, Marc C. Chamberlain, Qin Liu, Chung-Cheng Hsieh, Keith R. Edwards, Alixis Van Horn, Lawrence Recht. Published Online: Jul 30 2009 12:02PM.

Lynette Summerill, is an award-winning journalist who lives in Scottsdale, Arizona. In addition to writing about cancer-related issues, she writes a blog, Nonsmoking Nation, which follows global tobacco news and events.

Add a Comment2 Comments

Expert HERWriter Guide Blogger

Hi Lynette - In some ways it's good to have a study that verifies this and gets it out in the open. During the years in which I worked for hospital systems I saw this play out repeatedly with seriously ill patients - many men were walking out on the women while most women were "standing by their man" no matter what.

The men typically had the higher income, greater access to legal representation, and the stronger health insurance coverage. Their actions often left the women without adequate healthcare and financial resources, and made a bad situation much worse. I would personally like to see an online Hall of Shame that identifies both men and women who abandon sick loved ones, and I would also like to see more public recognition of this situation so that abandoned women can get the help they need and deserve.
Thanks for posting this,
Pat

November 20, 2009 - 5:54pm

Lynette,

This is saddening, and maddening, and leaves me shaking my head in disbelief.

This sentence: "When the woman was the patient, the rate was 20.8 percent compared to 2.9 percent when the man was the patient," just makes me want to scream.

The reasons do make sense. As women, we indeed tend to be more natural caregivers. But the disparity in numbers just stuns me.

Thanks so much for this post. I'm sure it's an eye-opener to many.

November 20, 2009 - 9:10am
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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