LaDawnna recalls how she was able to leave her abusive husband and shares tips for women in similar situations.
I was in many abusive relationships in my life but I have learned some secrets on how to get out of them and one of them is always have a plan. You have to have a plan.
One of the reasons why women keep going back is because they just get up and leave spontaneously or right after they get beaten they want to take off.
You have to have a plan and my plan caused for me to take a lot of abuse and I just stood still. I didn’t fight back. I didn’t say anything. I did whatever he wanted, whatever was necessary in order to have a plan in order to get out on my own.
So that was always it, and I put money away which was a secret. A lot of women won’t do that. They are afraid that he will find out. You can’t leave it in the house. You have to have someone that you trust that you can leave it with, that they won’t spend it.
In my case I just had a bank account and I kept the books someplace else. So I didn’t spend anything.
I didn’t change the way that I was living, but in fact I was changing the way that I was living. My whole thought process was different.
One of the things that you have to do is you have to tell someone else what’s really going on. So back in those days, it was back in the 70s, it was actually okay for the husband to beat his wife.
It was actually a law in the book at one time, that if your wife was out of line and you didn’t take care of it then the police would take care of you.
So when I called the police about my first husband they said, “Well there’s nothing we can do. He is married to you. You are married.”
And my thing was I got to get out of this. Of course my husband would not give me a divorce.
So the thing that you have to do is to get your husband to the place where he doesn’t think you want somebody else. You almost have to convince him you want to start over.
Let’s start over. Let’s get a divorce, start over fresh, get remarried and then we can go from there, which is what I had to do.
Even though I was no longer living with him I had to convince him that we were going to get back together, which was hard because my heart wasn’t in it.
And you have to do things you don’t want to do and yes, you have to do things you don’t want to do. You can’t say, “Well I don’t want him touching me.” It’s all part of the plan.
And when you think of it like that, you can get out. But if you just think, well I don’t want him touching me so I am not going to do that, then you are going to stay right where you are. You are going to stay under his power, up under his foot.
So it’s all about having a plan. The secret is tell somebody. Don’t write anything down that he may be able to see and that’s why I don’t recommend going on your computer.
You need to go some place where it’s private or someone else’s computer that he can’t get a hold to and then work from there.
But today they have so many places you can go to and so many safe houses. They didn’t have that back in the 70s when I was coming out of my relationship.
About LaDawnna Hudson:
Pastor LaDawnna Hudson is the CEO and founder of Women of Power International as well as the first lady and pastor of Shield of Faith Christian Center in Mesa, Arizona. LaDawnna's desire to help women stems from her early years of abuse, depression and poverty. Born and raised in Detroit, Michigan in the late 50's, the fourth of nine children, she saw firsthand the struggle of her mother and other women being undereducated, suffering with low self-esteem and being abused by men who treated them more like property than wives. She too suffered hard times, she was raped, beaten, strangled, suffocated, ran down by a car and married to a man who tried to kill her twice. LaDawnna's journey through her troubled past motivates her to help other hurting women change their lives.
Visit LaDawnna at her website