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Some people jokingly (or sometimes seriously) say that college is the place where women find their husbands, but more accurately it’s the place where at least short-term romantic relationships are formed.
These relationships can be healthy, but others, where violence takes place, are the focus of many college campaigns and programs.
The American College Health Association – National College Health Assessment fall 2009 data showed that 11.2 percent of women college students in the last 12 months reported experiencing “an emotionally abusive intimate relationship,” 2.3 percent (the same for men and women) reported a “physically abusive intimate relationship,” and 2 percent of women reported a “sexually abusive intimate relationship.”
Davian Gagne, a gender violence prevention and education coordinator at the University of Colorado at Boulder, said relationship violence is emotional, psychological and physical abuse that occurs between anyone from any type of demographic.
She said the most common forms of violence are threats, coercion and intimidation, before it gets to a physical level.
“A lot of times, maybe the other partner in the relationship may not realize that this is potentially harmful,” Gagne said.
There are several warning signs to look out for in potential violent relationships:
1) Your partner is texting, e-mailing, calling or Facebooking you 40 to 50 times a day, even if it is flattering.
2) Your partner shows up in places unexpectedly. For example, he shows up at your class in order to check on you, even if he isn’t going to your college.
3) Your partner is trying to isolate you from friends and family.
4) Your partner is trying to dictate what you wear or how you look (hair, makeup, etc.)
5) Your partner gives you constant criticism, including belittling.
The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) said the main behavioral signs are: intimidation, threats, isolation and emotional abuse.
Columbia University listed these warning signs: extreme jealousy and possessiveness, controlling attitude, mood swings, forced sex and dominating.
Some causes of relationship violence can be when one partner wants more control and power over the other, not recognizing what a healthy relationship looks like, not having a healthy relationship model and objectification of women in the media, she said.
Also, there is the normalization of violence as a whole in our society, to the extent where some women may not recognize some acts of violence as being a problem, she said. For example, some women might think some forms of sexual assault are just “bad sex.”
In order to get out of a violent relationship, it’s important to seek out familial and professional support, she said.
“When in leave, that’s the time when the danger goes up for them either to be killed or to incur serious harm from their partner,” Gagne said, so there also needs to be a well-thought-out plan.
Friends, family and bystanders need to remember that they shouldn’t be pushy about the victim getting out of the relationship, but just provide proper support. Of course, it depends on the situation. If the woman’s life is currently in danger, calling the police is probably the best option.
If animals are involved, it is best to give a pet temporarily to a shelter, because the partner can use animal abuse as a way to control the victim.
Some women don’t leave abusive relationships because of love and financial issues, she said.
For example, one victim didn’t have enough money to buy books, but her and her boyfriend were in all the same classes and he had all the books, she said.
“When their relationship started getting pretty ugly, he would use the books as a way to control her and as a way to continue to see her, because he knew she didn’t have money to go out and buy them,” Gagne said.
The victim might also stay because of self-blame, lack of social support, fear and “belief that the violence is temporary or caused by unusual circumstances,” the Columbia University website stated.
Some might not call the police because of threats from the abusive partner, they might not want to get the partner in trouble, the victim might not have enough money for a lawyer, the victim could be undocumented or not speak English well, or the law could complicate the situation, she said.
In Colorado, Gagne said there is a mandatory arrest law, where one of the partners has to be arrested no matter what, and that might cause some victims to avoid calling the police.
In order to improve situations for women in violent relationships, it’s important to know about resources, be supportive and proactive and become more educated about relationship violence issues. Most universities provide resources and sometimes classes, or have their own departments or offices dedicated to victim assistance.
Remember to put aside assumptions and prejudices (like race and what the victim is wearing) and just be ready to help.
“I think that it takes a lot of learning and practicing different skills in order to be able to intervene in different situations,” Gagne said. “People want to help…a lot of times they just don’t know how.”
Sources:
http://www.achancha.org/docs/ACHA-NCHA_Reference_Group_ExecutiveSummary_Fall2009.pdf
http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/dating-and-domestic-violence
http://www.health.columbia.edu/docs/topics/relationship_violence/what_is.html
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