Be Nice When It’s Hardest to Be

By Dave Balch Blogger

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When you’re under a lot of stress it’s easy to blow your top. It can be at anyone who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time: doctors, nurses, service personnel, even the trash man. When you’re stressed, though, do you really care who you yell at?

You should.

Why? Because now, more than ever, you need the products and services of others in order to get through your difficult times.

Let’s say your air conditioner goes on the fritz. You call your favorite repairman (he has done a good job in the past), he comes over and fixes it. Next day, same problem. Uh-oh. You don’t have time for this! You paid good money to have it repaired and now you’re sweating again. So you call him back and, when he gets there, you start yelling at him, threaten to call the Better Business Bureau, tell everyone you know, and stop payment on the check. (Okay, I’m exaggerating to make my point).

What do you think will happen the next time your air conditioner has a problem? You may find that it takes longer for him to “fit you into his schedule”. In the meantime, however, you have no air conditioner… what impact would that have on your stress level?

The same goes with all of your support: medical team, friends, neighbors, family, co-workers… the list goes on and on. Where would you be without these people?

“Oh,” you say, “I’ll just find someone else.” Why would you want to spend all of that time finding and “training” someone new? We all know how hard it is to find a good support team and get them to treat you the way you want/need to be treated.

So what do you have to do? Here are some words for you: considerate, tolerant, polite, complimentary, empathetic, and helpful. You need these people! Treat them the way you think they want to be treated. In the air conditioner repair example above, sure you’re frustrated. But consider that the guy is human and mistakes are made occasionally. Some things are out of his control… the second problem may actually be a new problem that just looks like the first one. Are you always perfect? Probably not, so don’t expect everyone else to be.

Here is a powerful technique: go out of your way to give compliments when they are due, especially when you don’t feel like it. People are inundated with negativity and bad news and few people take the time to give compliments. My wife makes a point of giving compliments and, when she does, the reaction is usually quite surprising and very rewarding.

Good supporters and friends are like gold. Don’t chase them away by giving in to your stress-related temptation to blowy our top. It will cost you big time.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.