Get What You Need and Get Out

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Whether it's divorce, resignation, being fired, breaking up, breaking a friendship, dealing with the aftermath of a car accident, or a negative incident at your child's school, I say, "Get what you need and get out."

So often our emotions tether us to negative situations for far longer than necessary when what we really crave is to simply be finished with the drama of the ordeal and begin moving on with our lives and our feelings.

Self advocacy is important in order to be able to move on, and I am by no means saying one should be running away from hammering out important details, writing a gory letter, hiring a lawyer or anything of that nature.

However, it’s necessary to constantly assess the situation and make sure you have clarity. This way, you will be able to answer the question, "Did I get what I need?"

If your boss is a 'tool,' and you feel you need to leave your job, do you have what you need so you can get out? This can run the gamut of having a new job, having a guarantee of unemployment benefits, securing a letter of reference before you go, or any other number of issues that are really needs, not just preferences.

Likewise, if you are ending a relationship or marriage, do you have financial agreements and custody agreements to your satisfaction? And if you do, but you're still furious, can you distinguish between having gotten what you really needed and just being mad? The mistake that many of us make is that we stay in a toxic or even dangerous environments for way longer than we should because we lose our focus.

We are so intent on justice being served (it rarely is), being proven right, or being vindicated, that we continue to stay and we take our eyes off the prize. Sometimes we're even kicked out before we get our heads straight and asked point blank for what we need.

It may sound basic and rigid to simply think of the nuts and bolts of a situation, but in the long run, taking what you need from the end of a relationship (your car keys, your dog, your resume) will put you back on your feet to recovery sooner than if you'd waited for the other party to "come to their senses" (they rarely do).

So, again, if you're in an untenable situation, get what you need, get out, and be stark raving mad alone with the music blaring. Dance it out, call a friend, or take it out on the treadmill, but don't leave yourself open to one more moment of toxicity.

Aimee Boyle is a regular contributor to EmpowHER.

Edited by Shannon Koehle

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.