I hate my husband.
I am chronically ill myself, with a mental illness that rears its ugly head when I least need it, but I work very HARD at controlling my symptoms. I exercise, take vitamins, eat as healthy as possible, see a therapist when it's bad, and take psychiatric medications when it's bad as well. I also have chronic pain from a near fatal car accident where I broke my spine (amongst other things). I have neuropathy and it can be very painful! Recently I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines so there are times I can hardly function. The thing is I TRY. My husband hurt his back badly being a contractor, and he just treats everyone in our little family like shit. I can't take it anymore. I work so hard to help my illnesses, to mask when I'm feeling really bad, and to have as normal a life as I possibly can. He just says how horrible everything is all the time, gets mad at me if I'm having a hard time since his chronic pain is now the worst thing ever and nobody else seems to have any issues except him (sarcasm). Tonight I saw a couple going camping in the grocery store. When I got into my car I started crying because I longed so bad for a relationship like theirs. I feel like I married a lie. Now I'm in grad school, doing everything I can to finish, so I can get a decent job and have a decent life. My husband is a slob and a mope. After everything I've been through, I'm still standing and I'm still trying, while he sits around playing computer games all day, and yelling at our kids. I just want to get a good job, pay for someone to help with the kids, and live a separate life from him. He's toxic and I hate him! This is the first time I've gotten my feelings out after 8 years.