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What to do - Chronically ill girlfriend

By August 14, 2014 - 12:46pm


Dont know where to start, my gf and I were friends for 7 years before we started dating. we're in a long distance relationship that has been on the go for about 2 years. Four years ago she was diagnosed with AS. I knew what I was getting into when we started dating, but I also didn't know.. Not sure if that makes sense. I love this woman, care very deeply for her. The problem is that the illness is progressing and things are happening that I didnt think would happen. And dealing with these things is alot harder than I could have imagined. Watching her deteriorate has not been easy. It hurts like hell to see the woman i love turn into someone that I dont know.

She is on a number of very strong narcotic medications for the pain and other things, I'm worried that this is affecting her mind because she seems to be creating arguments alot now days.

I've been thinking that its time to leave her, but I feel terrible and guilty for even just thinking it! i worry that it would make the illness worse, because stress triggers the seizures.

The other night we had a HUGE fallout because i didn't answer the phone and missed her call and she wanted to break up with me. She told me that she was emptying her meds into a big bowl so that she could take them all.

I was so scared that she would take them that i said whatever i had to so that she would get rid of them.

Very confused. Slightly traumatized. Feeling trapped.

By September 2, 2014 - 7:51am

Hi Susan,

Thanks for replying.

Yes, it is Ankylosing spondylitis. But that's not all, there is a list of ailments and allergies that trouble my lady.

She started having blackouts late last year that caused her to pass out at random times. Now she has started having seizures, which is quite frightening.

We are in a long distance relationship because she relocated a while ago and the plan has been for me to move closer, but the right doors haven't seemed to open to make it happen.

As for the depression, yes, I think she is suffering from it and her insecurities have gone through the roof - I don't know her to be like that.

It sure feels like I'm being black mailed.

Strange as it may be, I still care very deeply for her.

With all my heart I wish that this illness had picked someone else.

Part of me wants to disappear, the other part says I must stay.

I am scared of whats still to come, scared of watching her deteriorate because of the illness and scared to just walk away and leave her to deal with this.

September 2, 2014 - 7:51am
By HERWriter Guide September 1, 2014 - 8:26am

Hi cagedaninal

Thank you for your post! 

When you say AS, do you mean Ankylosing spondylitis? I know this isn't an easy disease to deal with and when it progresses, it's even worse. You mentioned seizures which aren't typical so I am not sure what illness you are referring to. 

I don't blame you for saying whatever it took to ensure she didn't take all those pills but at the same time, threatening this is emotional blackmail on her part. 

It sounds like she is in a deep depression due to her illness and you are also feeling the ill-effects too. When we fall in love, anything seems possible. Worries can end, illnesses can be healed and anything is possible. But then reality sets in and life isn't always as kind. 

What's clear is that neither of you can go on like this. Why are you in a long distance relationship and what are the plans to end this long distance? 

I hope to hear back from you soon so we can talk more-


September 1, 2014 - 8:26am

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