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Child rearing

By February 15, 2011 - 1:43pm

I am in a common-law blended relationship. Together we have 5 children. Ages 26 months (ours), 4 yr old twins(his), 10 yr old(his) and a 15 yr old(mine).
I am not a huge disciplinarian when it comes to my "step-children". I give the two younger ones time outs and such. I have never, and will never hit or strike them. Not my place EVER. The 10 yr old has been giving me the roll eyes and huffing if I tell her to do anything, ie) wash your hands before you eat, go shower, pick up stuff, vacuum your room.. etc.. My significant other thinks I'm riding her. And he can understand the rolling of the eyes etc.
What do I do? Say nothing???
As for the oldest and the youngest, I discipline them no problem because the are biologically my children.. .

By HERWriter Guide February 17, 2011 - 6:28pm

Hi jacism

Thanks for your post and for forming this group!

I think you're doing the right thing by being very careful with your stepkids and discipline. It's a difficult situation and I agree that no step-parent should ever raise a hand to their step-kids - no matter what. Step- parents hold the power in the relationships inasmuchas they make the decision to enter the family (or leave it) whereas the kids have no choice at all.

I think the 10 year old might roll her eyes either way, whether you are her parent or step parent! She may be entering into that phase. Just continue to guide her and do ask her to stick to the rules (eg; respect, doing chores etc), just leave the tougher stuff to her Dad. If he thinks you are riding her, does that mean he lets her get away with this kind of behavior? That's not ok but it's his responsibility. Stay on the same page and communicate openly with him.

I think step-parents have a hard job but again, they are the ones who choose this. However, you sound like you have all the children's best interests at heart. As long as you mean well and do the best you can, you and your blended family will be ok. But as I said, it's important that you and your partner are in this together and are allies in co-parenting. You will be instrumental in how this 10 year old grows into adulthood (scary, right?) so keep her best interests as your priority but also remember that if you give respect, you also earn it and step-child or not, she should not be rolling her eyes and giving you a hard time.

Good luck and let's keep the conversations going!


February 17, 2011 - 6:28pm

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