Hello there! Now I am back and have just had time to read this conversation. So much kindness and wisdom and honesty.
here is my 2c worth.

there is a connection between mind/body/spirit and to effect positive deep healing all areas need to be addressed. From what we eat, exercise, to how we think and behave. I suggest to also attention to our deeper soul and injury there. I am in the process of writing a book along these lines. that I wish was ready for you. Let me try and share this.

There is a place we can arrive that is Non-attachment - that is, we are not attached to something nor fighting to maintain a detachment (which is a form of attachment). Perhaps to begin with some quiet breathing and centering, feel that place in yourself. and then practice going there regularly. When you get a trigger, take that deep centering breath and go to the non-attached place where you can objectively look at the 'story' and then let it go.

here is an excerpt from the book that may help. It is not directly relevant but hopefully has something.
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Attachment - nonattachment - detachment. This looks like a continuum but is actually a circle. Bend the line around to where it connects and you will see that attachment and detachment are the same. One expresses itself by adhering to, and the other by separating from. Both are about a relationship inextricably binding and affecting your personal expression and being in the world.

Even if you seal yourself into detachment, (that is, shut the emotions and feelings away) you are still attached to the ‘drama’, the emotion, the history, whatever it is that you are working so hard to detach from. But that has come from being attached to it and by that I mean thinking it matters somehow, that it defines you, letting it/fearing it will hurt you.

Nonattachment removes that binding so that you will know there is one Being there and another here, and how each expresses itself in the world is not dependent upon the other. This is not to say that you don’t interact, that emotion and feeling are not felt between and within relationship. However, because you can access nonattachment, you can appreciate yourself as a complete separate Being, not dependent on others for your sense of self. You can also therefore appreciate others as such.

I have written in terms of people but this also includes experiences, possessions, status, And each of these, are when all is said and done, tied up with relationship to others.

(I considered the word ‘neutral’ as a synonym for Non-attachment but it doesn’t feel right. Neutral is the car out of gear but still running waiting to speed forward or reverse. As such it is burning energy and polluting the atmosphere. Non-attachment is simply sitting still with no need of going anywhere.)

In Nonattachment it is easier to place those emotions and histories into the ‘not about me’ basket. Much of the charge you feel is old stuff and usually very little of what comes at you is about you. When you engage in the struggle, or work hard to deflect it, let alone take it on, you validate it, actually give it life!

When you are truly able to be in Nonattachment you can see the story and not be drowned in it. In Nonattachment you can say ‘That is the story, the drama, this is what I am feeling. However, I am not caught in it. I can choose something else to do with this.’ One thing you can do is to quietly give it back. Not with anger, frustration or resentment (that is attachment!) but with compassion. Compassion, no blame, no intention to harm; simply ‘This is yours. I am sorry that you have to carry it about but it is not mine to take on or to fix or even to fight you on.’

(Responding with compassion rather that hate or other intentions to wound or punish will do you no harm. However, the force of negative energy generated by hate or similar emotion, whether you keep it to yourself or vent it, is often more damaging to the one who generates it. It is like eating too many beans or trail mix and giving yourself gas - you feel very uncomfortable and you can’t blame the food, because you chose to eat it!)

When you are truly in non-attachment you are also able to hear a truth or fact about yourself without reacting defensively or emotionally. The ‘news’ becomes simply that, and not an attack or definition or hard and fast fact. You will know a truth when you hear it if you are in Non-attachment. And then you choose what to do with that. You can say, ‘Thank you for that insight. I knew that but hadn’t heard it like that before.’ Or maybe you will say, ‘I knew that but hadn’t realized it consciously before now.’

You will know the truth when you hear it because you already knew it, just were not aware of it. In short, when in non-attachment, you can be compassionate to both the bearer of the news as well as to yourself, the recipient of the news!
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If you want some thoughts on Letting Go I have a little section on that as well.
This is a journey you are on. Kudos on your courage in embracing it!

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4evalovemusic,
I thought of you when I read this:
https://www.empowher.com/mental-health/content/defining-emotional-dependency-and-top-five-ways-become-more-emotionally-indepe

Thought it may be worth a read...
Good luck and let us know how else we can help you.
-Christine

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there are certain hot buttons that im constantly told its due to the fact that im an "Arise" and the temperament is said to be hot headed and stubborn so yes there are certain things that get under my sick VERY EASY...

unhappy with
yourself~ yes but better now then when in high school

job~ i was laid off froma job i had for 3 years laid off for 8months just after buying a house and thankfully now im in a new job working in my 2nd moth of probation (yes i worry about work but its not my main problems )

relationships for some reason~yes it seems like im constantly disappointed by something that they do

Have you discussed your concerns with a therapist or a doctor?~no actually that was the reason i came on here thinking id find something ...

It sounds like you tend to obsess about the relationships and situations you encounter~ all the time its a never ending thought literally NEVER ENDING

when I see certain members of my family, my blood is quick to boil~ 100000% exactly how i feel or when i leave thier house im always feeling hurt guilty for not doing enough ,not showing enough love its one of those situations where its a double edge sword no matter what im guilty if i dont call im not a good enough daughter/sister but when i m there too often we get in to fights and im always unhappy so when i feel like putting some space im the bad one but when i start to defend/argue im also the bad one

There are two things in particular you can consider and change: your perspective, and yourself. You cannot control anyone else. You can learn to react differently with some work.
~ i agree with this as well but you see you said exactly what i feel is the problem ...i will change everything to Compromise ,to help ,to fix ,to change what ever that needs to be to get along with everyone to please everyone yet cause i do that it all gets built up inside hence why im here 26 and i feel like everyone thats close around me is negative in one way or another and im the dumping ground no matter what i do and if i try and stop it im still in the wrong
I'm not sure what I'm saying will help at all
~ actually talking to someone is helping me get it out of my system its like knowing that no matter what you dont know my family or the people around me so i trust to know you wont hold it against me or use it against me or my family hence why i dont talk to my fiance anymore about this cause i feel it makes him start to hate them and i cant handle that as well

thank you for the articles i will defiantly look it to them

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It definitely sounds like you are having some kind of struggle. When you say that "everything" bothers you, what do you mean by that? Do you mean literally everything, or are there certain hot buttons you're referring to? Are you unhappy with yourself, job, relationships for some reason? Have you discussed your concerns with a therapist or a doctor? It sounds like you tend to obsess about the relationships and situations you encounter. I have had tumultuous relationships with my family. It seems that when I see certain members of my family, my blood is quick to boil--mostly because I love them, and I somehow feel disappointed by them or competitive.
There are two things in particular you can consider and change: your perspective, and yourself. You cannot control anyone else. You can learn to react differently with some work. I'm not sure what I'm saying will help at all, but let us know what you're thinking. What do you think is going on with you?
Here's some information about reducing stress:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/quick_stress_relief.htm
There also are some great articles written by Dave Balch on EmpowHER that may provide some helpful ideas:
https://www.empowher.com/users/dave-balch
I wrote some articles about stress and family encounters too:
https://www.empowher.com/mental-health/content/walking-eggshells-navigating-family-tension-holiday-gatherings
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

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love my family yet always leaving their house hurt or feeling guilty...constantly wanna say something to defend myself yet if i do i end up going in to battle with siblings or if i dont say anything i end up not being able to sleep cause i lay awake going through different arguments in my head

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