I feel pitiful
There are times when i'll suddenly feel like crying, but i dont know why. Sometimes i think back on things and wonder why i did that and how i could have prevented that from happening..then there are times where i think of just ending it all and i'll have to urge to do it, but because i dont like being in pain i dont do it. I feel so horrible because there isn't a person out there in this world who fully or actually knows me, because since I was little i've tried to fill in this empty hole in my heart and what i would do was make up things about my life, like i was rich and had nine brothers and we lived in this really huge house. But then i was ready to change things around but couldn't cause i was so stuck in my life of lies. I dont have any really close friends, i dont have anyone who i can confide in. I feel like i'm all by myself in this world.Some times i wonder "why me" and want to cry my eyes out. some times i wish there was someone for me to talk to, someone i could tell my whole life story to, but at the same time I don't like people getting to close to me because i always seem to be the one who gets back stabbed. I seem to be getting closed up in this dark hole and i cant seem to get out and it's making me lose it little by little. I want to see a therapist but my family isn't really into the whole "i'm depress, i need to see someone" type of thing, even though i havent talked to them, nor have they said it directly..i just know how they are..what should i do?