April 13, 2016 - 3:51am
Well, I'm here because I don't know what else to do. I'm so alone and scared I find it hard to breath at times. But mostly, like a dumb shit, I sink into myself and want to die. I don't want to be this way!!!!!!! The truth is I don't know how. I know the difference between right and wrong but my life doesn't work like that. Every decision is a matter of how can I possibly live with this choice and this one is going to kill me eventually. There is no right answer. I am doubting my own sanity and have for a long time. Everything hurts so much. I want to be strong and live the life I want but from where I stand; life, people, and the things I find important don't exist. I'm surrounded by monsters who hurt me if I don't do what they want all the while taking my beating with gratitude. You may say I attract the bad, or naturally gravitate towards them. Then why hasn't a single person I've ever met been anything different? I don't know..... I'm not sure what I'm doing here. Because everything, hell anything, will get better? I'll ever find someone who's like minded? Would that even be a good thing? Who knows.. Thing is I'm so very frightened of failure because that's all I've ever done. I have no connection with anyone. Sometimes I wish I could break and live in denial but that thought is so completely unfair and it makes me angry. I don't know what to do.