why I'm here
Well first of all my name is Jessica. When I typed my name for some reason it wouldn't go through. So I thought I was supposed to make up a name I wrote Alone and it worked. The name is fitting though because this how I often feel. For the past few years something has felt off. I am a sensitive person who wears their heart on her sleeve but now a days I am an emotional wreck. It seems like I can't have a normal conversation without breaking out in tears, like now as I type this. It doesn't matter whether I'm talking about good or bad I get emotional. I cry 85% of the time. I have no control, it doesn't matter where I am. Walking down the street or talking to my child's teacher, it makes no difference. I always feel sad or angry. I feel happiness at times but it's brief and usually because of my children. My highs are high, but my lows are LOW and are much more frequent. I feel like life is passing me by. I almost feel paralysed at times. I literally just can't get up and do what I need to. I have no energy or drive anymore. I usually wanna be under the comfort of a blanket. If I didn't have children I know there would be days when I wouldn't leave my bed. I beat myself up because I know I should do more, I want to do more but I can't. My sleep is off. It's hard to fall asleep usually but it's harder to stay asleep. These are some of the things I am dealing with and I'm here hoping that I will find someone that can somewhat relate.