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What identifies me

By June 23, 2011 - 1:09pm

Not work, not family members, not personality, my core values identify me

By May 30, 2012 - 9:50am

You are so right. I do need to change my outlook on life, on my life. I have always felt my life as negative and it really hasn't been. There have been a lot of good things happen to me. There have been lots of happy times in my life. I just haven't chosen to focus on them and you are right, it is about time I did. If I thought more positively I'd remember more positive things happening. I never understood how I stayed so optimistic, but I have. I know that optimism is a good thing and I want to have some good quality. I care so much for others that I never took the time to care about myself. Thank you for calling me on it. I need to be a bit more realistic and not so one sided in my thinking about my own life. I feel negative and talk positive. I need to balance things out more. Life can and is good if you let it or allow it to be. Thanks. bbnrse

May 30, 2012 - 9:50am
By May 30, 2012 - 7:06am


There's no need to censor yourself and feel like you cannot comment. That's why community is so great. Every individual has their own experiences, thoughts, and opinions and is entitled to sharing. It's great that you are optimistic, as optimism isn't always easy to find. I'm sure the people that you know in your life appreciate it. Because everyone has had different experiences, optimism simply isn't for everyone. Finding out what works best for you without compromising your integrity is what matters. 

If you've live a life in which you are kind and loving to others, I don't see how anyone could not "want" or appreciate you. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself! Maybe it's time to start being more optimistic and forgiving to yourself! Your life and identity rest solely on your own perspective. We all have our own stories about how our life has played our thus far, and as you know, memories aren't always a replica of reality. They're muddled with emotions and different states of mind. Maybe it's time to change your life story. Change your perspective.

Try to start being more positive in your outlook of yourself and of your life. Keep your chin up and turn those lemons into whatever you want! After all, we only live once.



May 30, 2012 - 7:06am
By May 26, 2012 - 6:04pm

I wasn't really speaking of myself, just being philosophical. I have never found love in my entire life and I wouldn't know what it was to be really loved and cared for. Sure, I've had a few friends but as for self identity, it stinks. I have a very poor self image because I have been slapped down at every turn in the road, so I turn to philosophy and what I think would be nice. On my death bed nothing will matter but my relationship with my heavenly Father. People don't matter in the end. We leave this world behind and everything in it. It will be no more. I look forward to death; the sooner the better. I am very tired of living in this messed up world. I may sound bitter and right this minute I am. I have just been hurt very badly. But that too will pass and life moves on, maybe to something better, maybe not. I wish life and my identity were cheerier, happier, but in reality it hasn't been. I was never wanted and I guess I've carried that with me all my life. Maybe that is why it has been what it has, I don't know. I try to love and care and be kind to others, but I certainly don't expect it back. It is nice when it is but that doesn't often happen. I'll stop here and make no more comments. bbnrse

May 26, 2012 - 6:04pm
By HERWriter Guide May 26, 2012 - 8:26am

Because we are not on this planet alone, we have to surround ourselves with a healthy environment and positive people, no matter how strong we are internally. We can be the most positive, calm people internally but if there is 'war' around us, our internal generally cannot sustain us in the long run, as much as we wish it can. This is why removing toxic people and situations from our lives is important, instead of putting up with it, complaining about it, or even joining in the drama.

bbnurse, I have to disagree that "Loving others when you are not loved back is key to building strong, healthy relationships."  There is nothing healthy about revolving your world around people who do not love you. Relationships - by their definition - go back and forth. If what is returned is negative (and it will be, if there is no love) then there is no health in the relationship. Real health and strength, bbnurse, is learning when to stay and when to walk away. I learned this and it was the best thing I ever did. I left those who never actually loved me and with a clear mind and heart, never looked back. And now I am surrounded with nothing but love and happiness!

We cannot make others love us - especially later in life if there is a long history. They either love us or they don't. Whether good or bad, it's the truth. Sticking around, kidding ourselves and pretending it's all good, that we are 'better than that' (that there is no hurt, it's all forgiveness) just isn't human nature. And it has nothing to do with trying to be a good person or a better person or turning the other cheek etc. We're human beings, not puppets or servants without rights or feelings. We have to stand up for ourselves. If we don't, there will be no happy ending.

Do yourself a favor and stop mentally begging others to love you. Walk away with a clear conscience, knowing you did all you can. And make new relationships elsewhere. It's very freeing and your only regret will be that you didn't do it sooner.



May 26, 2012 - 8:26am
By May 26, 2012 - 7:30am

This is a question I've asked my father. He will soon be 100 years old. He said, treating others as you would like to be treated. He lived his life according to the Beatitudes...with people outside of the family. He was not a family man or good father, but he had a good career and helped a lot of people. He was a clinical psychologist. He worked for the VA after WWII and taught for many years at the Univ. of MD. I believe in treating people right, being nice to them even when they are not nice to you, but there is more to it than that. I believe truly caring for others from the heart is paramount. Loving others when you are not loved back is key to building strong, healthy relationships. I don't mean you should let people walk all over you, just respond with kindness rather than bitterness. Keeping a positive attitude when things are not going well is also important. Just a few of my thoughts. bbnrse

May 26, 2012 - 7:30am
By October 28, 2011 - 3:17pm

When your lying on your deathbed....what will really matter? Wealth and career success or the relationships we have held with people and the contributions we have made to others.

October 28, 2011 - 3:17pm
By June 23, 2011 - 1:10pm

External stuff is deceiving, internal core values provide my true identity

June 23, 2011 - 1:10pm

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I have realized that I have spent the majority of my life doing things solely for the benefit of others, even when I was unhappy or unsatisfied with making that decision. As a result, I barely know who I am anymore. I am now on a quest to find out who I really am.


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