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Has anybody gone through this?

By June 9, 2017 - 5:00pm

The difficulty with emotional turmoil is often that the problems come from people whom we have shown our vulnerable side.I am married to a man who was my friend and colleague.We are both from dysfunctional families.But after we were committed he's been taking advantage of my weaknesses.I bring up an issue and he calls me a provocative emotionally unstable person.If I raise my voice to stand up for myself it's showing disrespect and I am cruel.I should put up a facade of having no complaints and everything has to be pushed under the carpet .
He uses me to excuse his problems.I start thinking if I may be paranoid.I saw a therapist too.I was told that I was being played on and need not suffer so much.
Only I can't point a finger at what is happening.I have not seen a healthy marriage.I don't know where the line has to be drawn.We are raised in a culture that calls a woman weak if she can't keep her husband happy
My family looks perfect outside
My daughter adores her father
But I am crumbling inside everyday
I don't know what to do

By June 17, 2017 - 8:15am

Hello Krish82,
I know you posted this because you were at your wits end. It probably took a lot of guts to speak out this way.
I think your husband is taking advantage of your need for him and your need to have a perfect marriage.
I think you should first find your inner peace and confidence. And be sure your joy and confidence doesn't come from him. I believe only God can fill that vacuum. When you're confident of this, stand up to his wrong behaviour. Refuse to accept it. I don't think he means any harm, I just think he's reliving the dysfunctionality he experienced in his own home.
Tell him it's not okay to speak to you that way. Don't argue, just lay it out matter of factly. Introduce him to any friends you know who have a good marriage. Let him build friendships with other husbands are attempting to get it right. Situations like yours thrive on isolation. When you're isolated, no one else is watching, no one else can see things without bias and state clearly that it's wrong.
I hope something I've posted makes some sense to you.
Kind regards, Rare

June 17, 2017 - 8:15am

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