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my boyfriend has anger issues and he is controling just plain rude at times.

By June 24, 2013 - 2:51am

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now. For about he first year he was great and we just seemed like we were ment to be. He was caring, affectionate, always made time for me and my needs, would never let me spend a dime of my own money (no im not out for money will explain why I said that), would always complement me and made me feel like he was so proud to have me by his side I truely felt the most confident and loved then I have ever felt finally had someone that loved me for me seemed too good to be true....... Well, it was... My lease was ending at my apartment and he had asked me to move in with him so I'd be able to save money and get some things done I wasnt able to afford. Plus he had gotten hurt at work and could no longer work and they had fired him so he was collecting unemployment while filing a wrongful termanation case on them which he got, filing for disability (denided still waiting on appeal hearing) and his roomate was moving out as well. (This was about the year into it) So I did seemed right to me too. We had talked about how we would share money and how we would just always talk to one another before buying things to make sure the other was ok with it seemed fair. Slowly things started to change. I didnt have my drivers licence and was terrified to drive he drove me to work and this was a problem since my work was a 10 to 15 min drive. It took me awhile like 6 months or so to finally be ready to take my test. He bitched and complained all the time and even threated to break up with me if I didnt get it. By this point he always seemed angry with me and made me feel horrible. He told me if I would just get my licence he wouldnt be so angry all the time well I got it and it didnt change. By that time he had treated me so bad I had gotten into a depression so of course his anger was now caused by me being deppressed he told me. He told me I needed to go to a therapist and get help and put on meds I told him he needed to do the same for his anger. I did what he had asked and did both went through a horrible battle to find the right meds and finally did. The therapists I got sent to were horrible since I had no insurance I got swiched to 3 different ones in a matter of 4 months and then got it taken away because the community mental health stopped working with them. I was doing ok with the meds I was on at that point and we seemed ok they asked if I was ok without therapy and I thought I was so I just went without. BTW he got on meds but no therapist he refused. Things were ok for a few months still had a blow out here and there with him and then he started getting really uptight about me spending any money saying we had now ran low on money and needed to spend less. He wouldnt even let me buy a shirt at the goodwill without a fight. But of course if he needed anything no problem. Alittle over a year ago now I started feeling really sick all the time I had no enery what so ever and even started passing out and my doc was worthless along with all the ER docs no insurace pretty much they said I was depressed again and I was having panic attacks. So got back ahold of CMH to get back into therapy and help with new meds since the ones I was taking seemed to stop helping. I got put on a waiting let due to yes no insurance. I was told to go to a low cost counselor in mean time and he didnt much care for the fact I now had to spend money on that but said for me to go at this point my deppression was bad and the passing out got worst and worst. Took a few weeks for me to get an appointment. In those 2 weeks I had ened up in the ER once again and my doc told me I should no longer drive this was unexeptable to him. As I was on my work one day I was forced to pull over feeling I was about to pass out. Sat on the side of the road crying for awhile and called him and he had told me he was sorry and to just be care ful. Yeah real nice!! Few days later I passed out while I was at work and had to leave early and didnt feel safe driving after pleading with him he finally got a ride to my work and drove me to the hospital. Another doc saying it was just a panic attack. Boss called me that day as well and told me to take some time off to get better I was too much of a risk to work. After that I refused to drive and got hell everytime he drove me anywhere. So finally started seeing counselor she was a total waste of money gave me a couple ok tips and told me to read the bible and go to church and god would make me better. Yeah wish it was that easy after about 5 sessions I stopped seeing her. Things got worst I was scared to leave the house in fear I may pass out and this made him very angry and he would always tell me I needed to figure something out because he couldnt live this way and I didnt have many options for help just my regular doc. Found a new med that helped a bit but by that point he seemed like he hated me and had given up all together I felt no love from him anymore I was never doing enough in his eyes yet there was nothing I could do but wait. I felt like such a burden and he had a way to always make me feel worst and as I waited I got sicker and he goeven worst. I felt I was worthless and never good enough seemed to be I could never do anything right anymore he was never happy with me no matter what I did even if I did things exactly how he told me to do it, it stll wouldnt be right. Then he ran out of his unemployment benifits and got stress and of couse took it out on me and was pissed since now he had to find a job which was hard since he has a weight restriction due to his injury but he did and he ended up having to take a horrible taxi driver job and had to work 12 hour shifts 4 days a week so we barly seen eachother and when we did all we would do is fight. I was so low never thought things could get worst but my luck it did much worst.. I started getting horrible pelvic pain, vomiting, diareah, I couldnt hold down any food got so weak i could barly get out of bed this went on for a few weeks lost 10 lbs in the process. I was helpless and so lonely he wouldnt even call to check up on me somedays and would get upset if I called him. Once again back in the ER colon problems. Started feeling better but still had the pelvic pain so stll had to figure that out but an improvement my doc increased my meds and put me on one more and OMG it help so much with my depresstion and panic/anxiety but the relationship got worst since now I was ready to get on track but now he didnt like the confident happy me anymore now he was angry because I wasnt having sex with him enough and being sick and him being a jerk wasnt a good reason for him he said he was a jerk because he didnt get sex and that he was gonna just go find someone else. I was doing the best I could sex was painful for me physically and mentally I felt like an object seemed to me the only time he wasnt yelling at me was when he had it in me. I had to get away so my parents decided to pay to fly me to floida to see my mom for 2 weeks as a christmas present and a extra 400 for whatever. I gave my boyfriend 200 of it and kept 200 to spend in florida he flipped said I shouldnt be going since we didnt have the money and then when that didnt work he told me he was hurt he felt I was gonna go and not come back but I told him it wasnt true and I went in November. Just before I went I had went in for a repeat pap my last one came up abnormal and while in florida got call that this one had too had to go in for my second LEEP cervical cancer was back wonderful. He was supportive when I called to tell him but told me he was to busy to talk. In the two weeks I was there I think we talk like 4 or 5 times. Came home nothing changed got into a fight on the drive home. Cancer taken care of and still pain!!! So to make him happy I have to try to have painful sex and now he cant keep it hard to do it and he tells me its my fault because he is out of practic and use to masterbating to porn and maybe if we watch porn he can do it and that I should start watchinng more porn so I can learn how to be sexy like them. Yeah that was the end of trying that night!! Next night come out in sexy lingerie and he doesnt even notice to busy on computer and yells at me to get off him hes gotta pee. Then he makes me wait so he can shower and smoke before so an hour later and of course cant keep it up. I was just done trying two days later yelling again about how I dont give it to him enough. And hes gonna find someone that will. AHHHHHH!! So we fight more I tell him whats the point I try it dont happen because u cant function but blame me! HE never spends anytime with me anymore and maybe if he did Id try harder but no matter what I do wrong so I might as well not take the physical pain. Says he works and its not his fault. Ok so he ends up getting mad at work and quits and hey still no time to busy doing other things side job but works at home and when we do spend time its at his club barely pays attention to me until I start to have a good time have a few drinks and then he gets mad says I embarass him never did before why do I now???...... Whatever. So about 2 months ago starts new job that he says he loves and makes pretty good money says he has no problem with me saying home I just have to take care of the house and cook house wife type stuff no prob. Umm no its a prob when I ask for money and he freaks out and says he has none even if I ask for money for stuff for the house even the stuff he tells me to get!! WOW!! So now I finally got approved for help gave me medicaid about a month ago got my appointment scheduled then we get into a fight and he tells me hes done trying I have put things off too long OMG!!! I couldnt do anything till I had insurance!! Now I do and ur telling ur done trying!! So I get the Im sorry with no meaning later and go on again. So now to where I am now seen nero got nothing cardologost nothing gyno says endomitreosis. birth control 3 months hope it helps if not surgury. his response I hope so but in the mean time what r u gonna do to please me? YEAH!! Finally after I went off enough he is gonna give me and allowance of 20 a week wow thanks!! HA! Oh did I mention in the middle of a fight he once told me he didnt love me anymore! He said he didnt mean it he was sorry and this is the guy that asked me to marry him well I threw is ring at him after that. So much more hes said and done thats not even half. IDK how much more I can take!!

By HERWriter Guide June 29, 2013 - 11:41am

Hi Kacey

That was a lot of information to take in!

I think what it boils down to it that you are not being the girlfriend he wants you to be, and he's not treating you well as a result.

Do you want to stay with him? If so, why?

If you want the "old" him, then both of you need to get into couples counseling to see where it all went wrong and work on getting back on track again.

But right now he is being incredibly abuse toward you - read back on all you have said. The things he has done and said. Are those the actions of someone who loves you?

Don't stay with a man who won't stop abusing you. You have no need to - no kids together and you can always move home. Think very carefully. Your relationship can be mended but both of you have to work very hard at it and his abuse simply has to stop.



June 29, 2013 - 11:41am

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