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my boyfriend wont have sex with me

By July 1, 2011 - 3:48am

I dont know whats the matter with my relationship, its been a month now since we have had sex and i feel like my boyfriend has lost interest in me. Weve only been together for a 3months now and at first we would have sex around 4-8times aday. However since ive had my implant put in to stop me getting pregnant the sex has started to decrease. As with any relationship i knew the sex would not be as frequent as it goes on but its stopped completly. I dont know if hes cheating on me or has lost interest in me, he calls me Angel, baby etc and still kisses and cuddles me so it confuses me as i dont know why he doesnt want to have sex with me. A couple months back he was tested for any sti's so we said we wouldnt have sex until his results come back, they came back negative so that was all good, but then he had a problem with his bottom as he had to get rid of some warts, so we didnt do anything for a couple of weeks because of that. But hes been fine for a while now and keeps teasin me with foreplay or says wel have sex next week which ends up bein the same excuse, i dont know what the matter is? Im confused and feel rejected because of it, is it me? Or maybe im just thinking into it to much? If anyone could help i would be really gratefull

By HERWriter Guide January 1, 2012 - 5:15pm

Hi McFly

I'm so sorry things turned out the way they did. I know you are far better off now but I'm sure it hurt a lot at the time - and maybe still does at times.

We talk to women on this issue a lot and unfortunately, it does turn out for many (not all, of course) that the man is cheating.

I hope you are wiser and happier and don't be a stranger here on EmpowHER!


January 1, 2012 - 5:15pm
EmpowHER Guest
By Anonymous December 22, 2011 - 6:41pm

thank you Mcfly ;) I feel the same way but thank God it is back lol it was just them few days Idk what was up maybe he really was tierd Idk anymore he said he just didnt feel like it weird huh?

December 22, 2011 - 6:41pm
By December 20, 2011 - 5:44am

Hi Mcfly,

I'm so sorry that you've had your heartbroken but look at it this way... you found out soon enough and now you're out of a bad relationship. You are strong and you'll get through this.

Good Luck!


December 20, 2011 - 5:44am
By December 19, 2011 - 3:39pm

Thank you for your advice 'Susan Cody' and 'Ladykera', i havent been on here for a while so only have just read your comments. Unfortunatly i learnt the hard way, i found out he was cheating on me with numerious women and we broke up 2months ago. Its taken me sometime to get over him, to this day i dont know why he did it to me, i would have rathered him just tell me it wasnt working out then me finding out the hard way. I dunno, apart of me still loves him but ive moved on and dont think id ever take him back. When i look back at it now when we didnt have sex i think maybe he felt guility about sleeping/seeing other women or didnt want to pass on any stds he might have caught. When i asked him why he did it all he said to me was that he 'liked the danger/thrill of it..'

@onelove: Listen to your gut instincts as 93.9% of the time it turns out to be true; unfortunatly i looked past mine and learnt the hard way. At the back of my mind i had a feeling mine was cheating on me or maybe didnt feel the same way as i did for him but i thought i was just over thinking things and maybe nothing was going on. Turns out i should have listened to myself as it turned out to be true. For 5months we didnt have sex and once the first month had past i began to think whether it was me that was the problem, maybe i wasnt good enough in bed or he had gone off me? whatever it was i couldnt stop thinking about it, i would ask him and tell him how it was affecting me and he would give tons of excuses, which at the time i thought were justified. It made me feel silly for worrying over nothing, until sex became non existent in our relationship. Saying that maybe your partner has got alot on his mind and doesnt feel like having sex? whatever it is you need to talk to him about it and tell him how its making you feel, but if it carrys on i would start to question your relationship. At the end of the day, to me, sex is just a bonus in a relationship but if it stops completly then something is wrong.

December 19, 2011 - 3:39pm
By December 18, 2011 - 1:22pm

Hi dazed024,

Well there's no denying your boyfriend wasn't blessed with the sweet gene but it is a fact that some men are significantly turned off by their girl friends or wives during pregnancy. Many men can't make that separation between you being someone who they see as a sex object and someone who is now going to be a mother so the idea that you can be both is blasphemy to them. Then there are men who are completely turned on by the idea of a beautiful pregnant woman-- they are all different. 

It seems like you have bigger concerns than him not wanting sex with you right now but at 9 months pregnant-- this is NOT the time to start digging into social networking accounts and ex-girlfriends. Take it easy, you're going to need the energy for labor and your newborn baby. Once everything settles down and goes back to normalcy, then if you're still having issues with sex and your suspicions you can address them at that point.

Take good care of yourself and pack that hospital bag! 

Best wishes,


December 18, 2011 - 1:22pm
By December 18, 2011 - 5:52am

I'm having a similar problem.. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When our relationship first started we had sex all the time, but since then it's gone down drastically. Sometimes once a week, sometimes once a month. I've tried talking to him about it and he spins it on me every time.. First his excuse was calling me a nympho (which I'm not, wanting to have sex with my boyfriend more than once a week makes me a nympho? No.) Now I'm 9 months pregnant so his excuse was that it just grosses him out. (which is a lovely thing to say, I know)

I know that he masturbates, I don't know how often because I don't keep tabs on him like that. I just feel really unattractive and unwanted. I know he's talked to his exes repeatedly in the past, and made a couple of fake facebook/myspace accounts..

:l Idk wtf to do about this.
I can't get over not having sex with the guy I love, when all I can think about is for whatever reason I'm not good enough.

December 18, 2011 - 5:52am
EmpowHER Guest
By Anonymous December 17, 2011 - 8:28pm

im having the same problem and the ironic thing is that he says the same things too me its weird huh and I hate this feeling and I am so in love with this man, what do we do?? EE and mine said im sorry baby your sexy but my sex drive is down I dont know why I asked myself the same question today , geez whats wrong with me, yah right!~!!!! im sad sad i feel un attractive and not wanted

December 17, 2011 - 8:28pm
By December 2, 2011 - 5:39pm

Susan is 100% absolutely right. The reason that we get into relationships is because we have found one person that we want to get to know. One person to hold, kiss, hug, make love to, spend time with, cook for, etc. Usually sex gets better over time because you begin to love the person more and you both start to understand what the other person enjoys. Relationships are also about realizing that sometimes you have to accommodate what someone else wants instead of worrying about yourself all the time. That being said, your boyfriend (who I truly hope no longer has that title) is being cruel and unfair to you.

It is utterly ridiculous to say now that I love you I just can't get hard anymore. And if you really listen to what he said "'when im love with someone ive got this problem where my dick goes soft, its wierd as if its just fucking then i have no problem but if i have feelings or are in love then as im about to do it my dick gets soft.." you will see that there may be an underlying message there. He needs no feelings to enjoy sex, which means there is someone he could have sex with right now, it just isn't you. Guys love to play games with our emotions if we allow them to and this one is really trying to play with yours. Do not let him. Find someone that really loves you and deserves you and forget about this one.

December 2, 2011 - 5:39pm
By HERWriter Guide September 9, 2011 - 7:21am

Hi again

Thanks for the update!

Honestly - this isn't working, is it?

I think his excuses are lies and that he is putting the ball in your court all the time, starving you of affection and forcing you to make his decision, which is to end the relationship.

I have heard all these excuses before, from women here on EmpowHER. Everything from "I love and respect you too much to have sex with you" - which ALMOST sounds like a compliment until you realize it's actually a punch in the face, to the "there's more to us than sex". With this last one, it's said in order to make YOU feel superficial by wanting something as "unimportant" as sex. To be as "deep and meaningful" as he is, you should stop wanting sex.

Is he actually deep and meaningful? Is your relationship that way?

McFly, this guy probably doesn't want a relationship - at least not with you. And that's not an insult to you at all, it's a reflection on his dishonesty and meanness toward you. He's being utterly unfair and I think if you walk away with your dignity now, you may look back and wonder why the heck you didn't get out sooner.

I'm not telling you to get out of this relationship, but I want you to pretend a good friend is in your position and telling you her story. Wouldn't you be rolling your eyes?

His excuses are nothing more than insults. You deserve so much better.


September 9, 2011 - 7:21am
By September 9, 2011 - 7:04am

Its still confusing if you ask me, i dont know if im being used or not..theres still no sex and when ive asked what the matter is the excuses ive had back were 'i dont want to do it as i dont want to base this relationship 'just on sex' and want to see how it goes without it, and that i dont want to do it till i get married as my parents have lasted without it for 3 years and their doin ok' the othe excuse was 'when im love with someone ive got this problem where my dick goes soft, its wierd as if its just fucking then i have no problem but if i have feelings or are in love then as im about to do it my dick gets soft..' i dont really know what to say i havent had many relationships before so i dont know if thats normal? sometimes i think hes hinting that we might aswell be friends or wants me to break up with him, im just confused about it all :/

September 9, 2011 - 7:04am

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