February 9, 2011 - 2:04pm
By starting this group im hoping to reach out to others who have suffered. If i can help just one woman by sharing my experiences then this group will be a success in my eyes.
When i was 15 and a virgin, i was gang-raped by two teenage boys i knew while their friends watched. Although it happened five years ago, this traumatic act continues to affect me and my ability to have a normal sex life, and my anxiety disorder worsens the situation considerably. After i turned 18 and had sex for the first time since (while completely disconnected from my body and emotions), i became somewhat promiscuous and began setting myself up to once again be in positions where i should have said no; essentially i was recreating and reliving the rape.
A little over a year ago, i was lucky enough to meet the man i hope to spend the rest of my life with, and we live in a small apartment and work full time. In the beginning of our relationship, our sex life thrived; just as it had with other men before him. As we became closer emotionally however, i began to experience emotional flashbacks and pain during sex. It seemed that after burying my emotions for four years and denying myself a chance to get close to anyone, this deep connection with the man i love forced these painful memories and emotions to resurface.
So now im faced with the task of addressing these emotions and learning how to accept what happened to me and move on. i consider myself truly blessed to have a caring family, understanding therapist whom i see regularly, and above all a kind and loving man to help me through this trying time in my life. I want to create a place for women to feel safe discussing their darkest memories and learn how to heal together. i truly believe that no one can do it alone, and maybe someone out there will learn from my past and find that while recovery can take a long time, life will go on long after abuse.