Menopause Join this Group
Let's Look at the Positive Attributes of Menopause!
Now before we say "WHAT positive attributes of menopause?" there ARE some!
No periods, no fear of pregnancy, great sexual maturity and so on.
Share some of yours with us!
priestess.connie
What is it about 40? It's like on the day we turn that age, we're bestowed a confidence, wisdom and independence that we didn't have, even at 39 (ok, I'm trying not to be too literal here).
But at 41, I'm more confidant and determined that before. Sure, it'd be great to have the skin of a 25 year old again but apart from that, I'm in strong physical and emotional health. Better than before.
Somehow, at 40 and beyond, we're supposed to lose all that youthful enthusiasm and "give up" dreams and settle for the ordinary.
But if we listen to ourselves and the positive people around us, we're actually gifted (starting in our 40s) with clarity. And clarity is wonderful.
I'm so glad you feel reborn. Too many women put themselves out to pasture, never knowing the freedom that desire, willingness and clarity brings. It's funny, my oldest child, age 7, recently reminded me that my birthday is coming up. I'm a Christmas baby. And only after a while, I realized I'll be 42. Because...I was focused on looking forward to getting breakfast in bed and taken out to dinner and cocktails that night. The fact that I'm a year older is completely meaningless. I get another year to live and a day to celebrate the past year that I got to live. 42...52...62...whatever!
~Susan
October 22, 2011 - 5:28pmThis Comment
I don't want to be sarcastic or biting, but I see no benefits from menopause beyond not getting pregnant unwantedly----plus we live in a culture that makes huges jokes and greeting card companies make money making fun of PMS and menopause symptoms. These were obviously made by men or people who have not been so sick from hot flashes which nothing can control that they are sick all day and don't sleep for months. And there is a real theme that I think is just as bad as promoting eating disorders in teenagers by letting watch all the celebrities who are perfect and air-brushed---that you will automatically want to run a marathon or climb Mount McKinley or become a famous artist or open your own company once you turn 40 or 50 or 60 that promotes a "perfection" that is impossible to achieve when a woman is barely making it through a day in spite of all sorts of doctors and trying her best. I think it is insulting actually to want women to celebrate all the wonderful things about menopause. It really insults millions of women, frankly.
October 24, 2011 - 2:49pmThis Comment
Hi AlettaS
Thanks for your post, it was insightful to read.
I agree that every age group gets picked on in some way - teens are made out to be demanding and stupid and every age group after 40 gets picked on for something! I think from 21- 35 are the only "safe times"!
We're a youth-driven culture for sure, but we buy into it as a society. We buy all the magazines, watch all the shows and read the books - all of them about as realistic as Barbie's body.
Rising above all that is easy for some, for others it's a struggle. I tend to be very dismissive of pop culture's demands (young, impossibly thin, air-brushed beautiful) although pop culture istelf facsinates me as it steers many of the trends that drive technology. I'm just fine as I am. But I'm 41, not 51. Maybe I'll be more affected as I get older, we'll have to see. By media standards, I should be out to pasture by now but I couldn't care less what the media thinks.
Too many people give up at 40. They let themselves to and follow the media's direction that they've had their time and ow they need to shut up and let others rule the world. Yet most of EmpowHER's innovators are all over 40. Funny, that!
I hope you write more on this topic, AlettaS. You're dead on about how age is protrayed and we'd love to hear more from you!
~Susan
November 6, 2011 - 6:32amThis Comment
I am almost 63. Mentally I feel 35 or 40. I never felt this pressure until the past couple of years when I had some medical situations which really threw my hormones out of whack and it is taking forever to get things back to where they should be, and I am miserable and frankly in many ways have lost what I think my life should be. It makes me crazy that all the advertisements that even pretend to be women in their 50's and 60's show slender, lovely, probably former models, who indeed have the genes and luck to have aged gracefully. They don't show exhausted, slighty puffy, poochy women who when they have the time and energy to put on some makeup and nice clothes can look pretty good. I was fabulous at 40 and even 50-----but even with actually very good health, the 60's are not so easy and the media makes us feel like failures because we cannot look like Jane Fonda. I wish someone would portray actual women who are struggling with menopause and all the hormonal issues. It becomes a big joke, and people who have not lived through it act as though if I just had a better attitude things would be fine. But when you have not slept for over 2 years it is hard to have a good attitude. I would love to hear from some women who feel empowered who are over 60. Are you out there?
November 10, 2011 - 4:30pmThis Comment
I saw Jane Fonda on a TV Talk show and she talked about all the work she had done. I was delighted! It is so great to know that if you have enough money and no fear of surgery, you too can look like you are 40 again!
January 5, 2012 - 1:43pmThis Comment
I saw that thing with Jane Fonda. Actually very interesting. I am not sure if your comment is tongue in cheek or not----I have been home way too much and watching way too many tv shows---it is addicting--but all it does it make me feel worse. Jane Fonda is lucky that she was BORN with great genes and genes for thinness and she is tall and she has all the money in the world to have things done to her. I think it is possible to not be perfect and still be very healthy. And I am actually pretty frustrated with all the recommendations on these doctor shows about all the foods and supplements to take to maintain all sorts of bodily health and perfection. Actually ALL supplements except one or two make me totally sick out of my mind and make my blood pressure go up. If you really wrote down and did all the things talked about, you would be taking 20 or 30 supplements a day. I would like to have one night without a hot flash and panic and nausea and diarrhea. Then it would be easier to work to be "perfect"--which is never going to happen.
March 9, 2012 - 7:28amThis Comment
Hi Aletta
I agree with you. There ARE indeed supplements that older women should be taking but if you listened to every "expert" about it, we'd be pill-popping all day. Jane Fonda has admitted to extensive plastic surgery and has the time and means to hire chefs and trainers.
But there are many older women in my athletic club who are regular people and look just as good - and that's without all the surgeries and procedures and chefs etc!
A well-balanced, fresh diet and plenty of fresh air (and sunblock!) is a woman's best friend when she is past the age of 35.
But you're correct again that so many women struggle with many thyroid and hormonal efforts and they don't have the same resources as women on TV. But please also remember that the women you see on TV (including Fonda) would NOT look like that if you met them in person or saw untouched photos. Jane has sun damage and while looking AMAZING in her 70s, she's readily admits she's had tons of work. That's another problem with the media - it's all a smokescreen. Please don't ever look at these women and think they look like that in real life. I have seen some beautiful women in print and meeting them in real life was an eye-opener. Pretty women, yes, but with flaws just like all of us and a few extra inches too!
I'm sorry you are feeling so down but I don't believe you. Honestly, stay away from these shows and get out walking and socializing. Get a makeover too, if it'll help. But stop the comparisons. When any of us do this (including me!) it's so depressing. And it's all fake anyway!
Best,
~Susan
March 11, 2012 - 4:43pmThis Comment
As an aside, I wish I could figure out how to really use this website---I am mostly totally confused. In any case, thanks for taking the time to answer. I am 63 but until the past couple of years and all these hormonal issues I felt so much younger---and I think looked so much younger. I think I probably still do, but I have had such negative issues with my body because of so many things out of my control---in spite of having an amazing doctor/hormonal specialist who has spent hours with me. I owe him that. I exercise an hour a day. I try to eat right because every possible supplement that is supposed to do this or that makes me deathly sick. As I have gotten older I am even more chemically sensitive to everything and even this amazing compounding pharmacist that my doctor works with finds it hard to believe that I cannot take tiniest dose of a thyroid hormone that might---or migiht not-----help me. My own doctor thinks maybe my hot flashes would be more controllable if my hypothyroidism were treated---but over the past 4 years, when I have even recently, one again, tried to take 2.5 micrograms of levothyroxine every other day, my hot flashes got worse, I had horrible insomnia and panic attacks and nausea. We finally discussed, well what symptoms do I have when not taking levothyroxine----none. When I try to take it, it makes me want to die.
I had been on hrt for 9 years and felt great. Had to stop it because of some issues and then started to have hot flashes that made me so sick I could not leave the house for weeks. And then when we tried to replace and estrogen and progesterone in a variety of ways, I started to blow up like a balloon. Nothing makes sense. I am finally off the thyroid hormones again and starting to feel better. But I have had a lost life for almost three years. I promise you, when you have a hot flash at 4:30 in the morning which causes horrible diarrhea, nausea and panic, it is very difficult to be in good spirit. I exercise even when I think I may throw up and I still am swollen and feel horrible about my body. I get my supplements through food because every supplement except calcium, magnesium and Vitamin D drops make be so sick I want to die. My doctor is eternally patient and is in fact brilliant and has tried everything he has learned over many years and we are kind of in this holding pattern of when am I going to feel better all the time. When am I going to accept that maybe I cannot have a perfect body. I just had $1500 of blood tests and I am very healthy for the most part----it is just these hot flashes that make me so sick I cannot function. Supposedly my estrogen is where it is supposed to be. I don't really understand it all. I don't see how I could exercise any more than I do. And I cannot take any supplements other than what I am able now. I am getting out and doing a lot of volunteer work which helps. But I feel like a monster. My husband says I look the way I always have. But he doesn't realize all the clothes I have that I cannot wear because I am so swollen. So I try to pretend as much as I can that I am okay. But I am not. An d the worst thing is that I have lost my faith in God. I feel abandoned. I don't like to leave my house. But I am trying to get my life back. Thanks for being there. And thanks for the reality check.
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I went through menopause with only a few hot flashes. Insomnia was my biggest issue.
Other women I know going through those terrible hot flashes were always asking my why didn't it happen to me. Through lots of research, I would attribute it to diet. I am a vegetarian, but do eat chicken and fresh caught fish once in a while. I was craving soy products and seeds and nuts. In my research I found that that these were great things to prevent hot flashes.
I also used Wild Yam Cream. Applied topically to sensitive body areas, it is said to balance out our hormones.
The other women I know with horrible hot flashes were eating pre-prepared foods, lots of sugar, and soda.
Can this be a result? I don't really know, but I just wanted to share that with you.
Be Blessed,
Donna
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You are very lucky. I am 63. When I first went through menopause I had no problems and no hot flashes. I also began taking a mild HRT which I took for 9 years. It was stopping it suddenly----long story---that sent me into a tailspin of hot flashes, panic attacks, nausea all day, insomnia-----I am now taking hrt again---same thing that made me feel great in the past----but it is taking a lot of adjustment to get me to the point where I am not so darn sick all the time. I eat very healthy, never drink soda, rarely eat sugar, exercise a lot. I eat a variety of nuts because all supplements make me really sick so I am trying to get what I need from foods. It has been what seems to me to be a huge experiment, which frankly it is. I have a great doctor who works with me, and we often find that what he knows from experience with other patients doesn't work with me. I am lucky to have such a caring doctor. But in the meantime, I feel as though my life is not worth living. Hard to have hope, but I am trying to hang in there. Thanks for responding.
March 15, 2012 - 11:25amThis Comment
I guess I am lucky in the menopause department, but I have other issues that bring me down. The fact is keep on plugging at it. I'm 56 and sometimes feel 80 with other health issues. A caring doctor is great, but being here and raising issues is a great support group.
When you say you feel as though your life is not worth living and it is hard to have hope, it struck a cord in my heart.
I have a depression/anxiety disorder. Pills are not the only answer. I have to work hard with my therapist and group to find ways to overcome that feeling of hoplessness. So I know where you are coming from.
Our emotions are true feelings, but we can find ways to find peace with it. No one deserves to feel hopeless! I know, I've been down that dark road. Now, through my journey, it has subsided.
I know we have physical issues, but our emotion issues are something to tackle also. All I can tell you is that you ARE worth living. Sharing your story here will help others. I'm sure you will get some support from these wonderful women in this group.
I wish you well my friend and hope this message from my heart can give you some comfort.
Blessings,
Donna
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I can relate to depression and anxiety. I have suffered with a generalized anxiety disorder for a long time. My anxiety is pretty well-controlled when I am feeling well. I have survived the loss of of a child---a long time ago, but I had amazing support through prayers and other people and my own sharing and using my own gifts and eventually helping other people in their grief. In using my gifts there was huge healing and in finding what for me is God but could be any piece of the divine for someone else---in other people and my friends.
I find the truly ironic thing is that ultimately it seems easier to recover from the loss of a child and moving through the fire as you have to to survive such a loss------than it has been the past few years with hormonal issues and how I feel. I look back and after the loss of our son I see that I was always moving forward, making things happen---not always in a straight line, not every day, but over time I of course had to be transformed and I will never be the same person I once was---but I have gained the ability to do wonderful things because of my loss. In the case of menopause and these hornonal issues which have made me housebound-----because frankly as much as I can do a gratitude list and I can know how blessed I am in so many ways-----truly, when I feel so nauseated, in a panic state, exhausted, feeling as though nothing will ever change, it is really hard and pretty much impossible to get beyond the inability to form a cogent thought, to eat a meal, to have the energy to do anything of value. And in our culture, there is a huge joke made (not by women but by men and the popular culture) about women and their hormones and PMS and hot flashes-----greeting card companies make a fortune out of making fun of the suffering of women.
I have had tried different therapists and spiritual directors, but it is rare to find someone to whom I can truly relate. I had a therapist say to me, well if you believe in God, pray for the hot flashes to stop. That is like saying to someone standing in front of an oncoming train, well just pray for the train to stop. Needles to say, we didn't last.
I wish I could find a group of actual women who don't meet from 7-9 at night with whom I could become acquainted and could share ideas and feelings.
I also am someone used to being very busy and active and mostly in control of my life----and of course these physical symptoms have totally stripped me of any expectations that I have any control at all.
I have my good days sometimes----but I know we have to find the balance that will stop the hot flashes, the insomnia, the panic, the nausea so that I can try to live my life again. People who have not lost a child----in the same way people who have not suffered as I have and as you obviously have with depression and anxiety are trying to be helpful but just telling someone to get over it, to go for a walk, to count your blessings are truly missing the point when it comes to resolving deeper issues. They mean well but they have no idea what they are talking about.
I am glad you are there. I will be interested to see how your journey goes, and I hope I can share mine.
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Keep your faith! I find the old saying "Let go and Let God" is something I do when I feel crushed. It is easy to say, yet hard to do. I am sorry for your loss of your son. Looks like you have been through a lot in your life but are still here to carry on my friend. I can also resonate with the kind of busy person you are, so am I. When a diseasement hits your body and your life comes to a full stop, it is paralyzing, I understand. I will keep you in my prayers my friend.
As for my journey, I found that DBT therapy works so well. It is usually done in groups and I have written about it somewhere in this group. (I'm new and cannot find it lol)
It is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It teaches how to deal with our emotions and conditions. How to handle them. Through many different modalities of therapy, I have found that this works the best for me when it comes to depression and anxiety. My levels are way down since I started this form of therapy. Maybe you can try to find it in your neck of the woods and give it a try.
As for that lousy therapist, Yikes! Good thing you left that one. Therapists are just like any other business people. There's the ones we can work with and ones we cannot. I'm glad to hear you bolted.
But don't give up girlfriend! No matter what... find a way!
I know that it burns me up too when someone tells me to get over it, go for a walk, etc. People don't know what it is like unless they suffered from it. So let it go, and stay on course.
This is a good community to find stuff. And people!
Be Blessed,
Donna
My first grateful for item was no period, free from the pain and mess. No mood swings, well not for at least a year later.
From the changes came a new me. Reborn with greater determination, desire and willingness.
Bless you.
October 21, 2011 - 1:16pmThis Comment