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along the lines of "my boyfriend does not want to have sex with me"

By September 19, 2010 - 3:53am

i have been with my bf for a little over a year now. we used to have sex at least 1-2 times a week towards the beginning of our relationship. all of a sudden the sex seemed to stop. i cannot think of anything that could have triggered the lack of intercourse. i am 26 years old and my bf just turned 33. upon confronting him about the situation numerous times, he has continually made up new excuses each time and even reused past ones. i tried telling him how it makes me feel unwanted, unattractive, depressed, upset, sad, and that it makes me cry. it does not seem to phase him. i had mentioned if he was having some type of problem down there that i would fully support him and we could do what was needed discretely if he needed that kind of help and i got no response. i have not been mad about it, acted angry, or showed frustration towards the subject because i don't know his reasoning behind and don't want to make him feel embarrassed if he is having an issue becoming aroused. but what really makes me just want to break down and cry myself to sleep is how he acts when the subject is approached....1st off we have had sex once in the past i'll say 8 months because i am starting to lose track of time now...that is how long it has been. upon bringing up sex he gets bitter about it. he tells me that if the worst thing i have to worry about in life is not gettin any , then that is just sad. or he will say that i need to give it a rest already.....or tells me that i am pathetic..........and it stabs me right in the heart. what i think is pathetic is that he doesn't even want to touch me.....and i know he looks at porn and told him how it makes me feel bad that he would rather look at porn almost every day than look at me naked..........and he even acts hostile about it.........but he does give me a kiss and hug and tells me he loves me before he goes to work and when he comes home. he still holds me when we sleep. we still lay on the couch together.....what i am hoping is that itz not just from force of habit....that he truly does still love me and we are just stuck in this rut.....but it worries me that it happened so soon like this....and itz not the 1st time this has happened in a relationship.....i am starting to think it is me! but other guys i have beeen with things weren't like this except just one other and i stuck around for 6 years hoping things would change only to find out he was cheating on me all the time and ended up with a broken heart and terrible self esteem. i know we learn from experiences and i like to live by "fool me once...shame on you. fool me twice...shame on me" but i also like to give people the benefit of the doubt....especially some one i care for.....but now i am paranoid about what him not wanting me sexually anymore is really about......i am afraid of the past repeating itself.....and now i am looking for the red flags i overlooked before and i don't know if i am just being overly paranoid or if i should be worried....i really don't know what to do. i love him and don't want this to be the reason to call it quits but i am really at my wits end and need some kind of advice. i don't think i am hideous or anything and i have a few guys who honestly would drop everything for the chance to just go on a date with me but i don't want that.......i am 100% faithful and wouldn't be in a relationship if i was just looking for a good time.......and i always kindly tell the other guys to back off that what i need are friends because i already have a boyfriend who i'd honestly hope to become my husband one day if we can just get through this.......if any one can offer some words of wisdom i am open to hear what you have to say.

By HERWriter Guide October 14, 2010 - 12:12pm

Hi allcriedout

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this issue - it's one of the most common relationship issues seen here on EmpowHER.

Since we have a very large thread already dedicated to this topic, I will refer you there (you have probably seen it already) but I will tell you that yes, you should be worried about your relationship as any man refusing sex, sexually rejecting his woman constantly yet heavy into porn is a major relationship problem.

We have provided guidance on this very situation here - please check out all the input/suggestions/ideas and let me know what you think - you are not alone in this predicament : http://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-sex-me-anymore

October 14, 2010 - 12:12pm

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