July 23, 2014 - 7:30am
Hi, I've been divorced for over 2 years and have 3 older kids from my first (only) marriage which lasted 18 years. After years of being single, gone on a few not so great dates, I finally have met a nice guy and been dating for almost a year. My boyfriend who is loving, fun, great with the kids, energetic and hard-working. However, he doesn't make a lot of money (not sure he ever has) even though he works hard. After almost a year of dating, he now stays at my house almost every night, and basically lives with me even though he still has his condo that he rents. He's also been divorced for 5 years but never had any kids as his wife couldn't have kids which he was fine with. I don't expect him to pay for much regarding my house but he doesn't pay for anything...groceries, utilities...and now I find myself cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry, buying his toiletries, food, etc while Im at the market...basically, doing everything for him while he works. I'm starting to get resentful and feel like he's not pulling his weight. I feel like he should either be helping pay for things around the house or help more around the house if he's going to stay here as often as he does. I realize he still has to pay for his other residence but feel that if he is going to stay here as often as he does, he needs to either help pay for things, do more around the house, or pull his weight one way or another. Am I correct to expect this? If so, how do I talk to him about it all?
I know he can't afford to pay for half of the expenses at my house nor would I ask him to but even if he paid 1/4 of bills, groceries or helped more with the cleaning, laundry, etc. He rarely goes to his place anymore. I realize that I've gotten myself into this predicament but I'm not used to this kind of relationship. I do love our time together but lately these things have been frustrating me as I fold his laundry and pick up his shaving cream that he wrote on my list of things to pick up at the store.
I'd appreciate any advice. As you can see, this is all new to me as my last relationship with my ex our roles were very clearly defined. I stayed home with my kids and took care of the house while he worked and did help with the house and kids when he wasn't working. Now I'm working part time, taking care of my high school/college aged children. I don't have a lot of extra money but have money from my divorce that I have to be very careful with as those are limited funds.
Again, I'd appreciate any advice or help. A frustrated but still in love mom.